


Unsteady

by saniuzu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst might be slightly heavier than “light”, Drunk Uchiha Sasuke, F/M, Female Deidara (Naruto), I suck at adding tags, I'll tag as I go, ItaDei - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, NaruHina is minor, Naruto’s an asshole but not on purpose, Neji is messy, NejiSasu - Freeform, Psychologist!Itachi, Roommates, Sasuke makes a lot of bad decisions, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saniuzu/pseuds/saniuzu
Summary: Sasuke's known Naruto relatively his entire life. He and the blond have practically become inseparable. A turn of events causes a rift in their friendship and the boys must confront their feelings for each other, without making things more confusing than it already is.Easier said than done though.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 66
Kudos: 79





	1. Kisscident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sweeties! If this is your first time seeing this fic then welcome!  
> If it's not then I'm sorry I took it down, I just felt like it could be better. The first one was a bit rushed and filled with plot holes. Hopefully, this version is a bit more enjoyable.

He's known Naruto relatively his entire life.  


They grew up in the same neighborhood; their parents are friends. They attended the same elementary school, middle school, high school, and now college. They're inseparable, but their dynamic isn't perfect. It’s just perfect _to_ them.  


Growing up, they were constantly at each other's throats. They were both extremely competitive, and with that, came this unyielding desire to prove their superiority. It was _messy_ , and they fought A L O T, but they had an understanding. Eventually, the fistfights turned into actual conversations; those that did not end in a bloody nose, but instead violent video games. In hindsight, the alternative wasn't much better, but it worked, and that's what matters.  


Almost ten years of friendship and he has not regretted it, not even once. He's not entirely sure if Naruto shares that sentiment though... Sasuke _really_ hopes he does. 

It's now their third year of college, and Sasuke's long come to terms with the fact that his feelings for the blond are not entirely platonic. They've been living together since freshman year, and every day he falls a little harder for the blond.  


Naruto was loud and obnoxious; everything Sasuke was not.  


Unfortunately, that did nothing to deter the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach _every_ time Naruto so much as looked in his direction. The blond hair and blue eyes, along with his unmatched authenticity, drew Sasuke in when all he wanted to do was run away from that comforting gaze. Can you describe a gaze as 'comforting?' Well, that doesn't matter because that's how it felt. Looking at Naruto was like coming home; it was warm, inviting, and familiar. 

To make things worse, he knows the blond is not entirely unattainable. 

Naruto's just out of reach… to him.

They're both attracted to men.  


Naruto came out to him as bisexual in their senior year of high school. Sasuke, ever the emotionally constipated asshole that he was, it took him a little longer. He did not comprehend his sexuality until their first year of college. During that first year of living with Naruto, not only did he understand that he was one hundred percent gay, he's also starting to realize what that 'pull' to his best friend actually was. He spent over half of his freshman year fantasizing about Naruto under him or preferably on top of him. It really did not matter, as long as it was with Naruto, he'd graciously bottom any day.  


He wrinkled his nose at the thought. Ew, inner Sasuke knew no bounds.  


You see, Sasuke has a bit of a dilemma -if you _still_ have yet to realize- he's completely and utterly in love with his best friend. He had no idea when the innocent freshman year crush turned to this, but it's been eating him alive for the past several months. He's not an expert on love by any means, so he doesn't know if there are many types, but this feels... _different_. It's fucking unrelenting. It's the type of 'love' that drains you when you're away from them and destroys you when you're too close. He hates it. He feels like it will never be enough like he'll never get enough of Naruto.  


Is love supposed to hurt like this? Maybe.  


Or maybe it's because he knows this love is one-sided.

It's not like his feelings even mattered anyway.  


Naruto was in a relationship and has been for six months. He didn't think that it would've been this hard to observe the person you love be happy with someone else. He was trying the 'as long as he's happy, I'm happy' approach, and he can confidently tell you that it doesn't fucking work. He cannot stomach the thought of Naruto looking forward to seeing someone else, smiling at someone else, sharing meals with someone else, or even kissing someone else.  


Someone who was not _him_

His insides burn with a mixture of shame, disgust, and jealousy; god, he was fucking pathetic. 

He sighed and rummaged through the top drawer of the bathroom vanity, closing it softly with his hip after pulling out his facewash. He opened the tap and observed himself. Again, the only word that came to mind was pathetic. He laughed, the sound bitter and full of self-loathing. His brain was a limbo of thoughts and emotions; the one thing that connected them all was Naruto. He uncapped the facewash, a little too roughly, causing it to snap off completely. He paused, studying the tube in his left hand, and the broken cap in his right. He threw his head back in frustration and took a calming breath. It did nothing to subdue his budding agitation.  


"Fuck"  


"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-" He cut himself off with a huff and gently placed the cap down, squeezing out some of the facewash. This slight hiccup would not be stopping him from doing skincare. A couple of seconds later, the broken cap lay forgotten, his focus now solely on the mesmerizing glide of his fingers against his skin. Self-care was always so soothing, especially now that he was incapable of getting his brain to shut up. 

It's just that he's just so disappointed in himself for not being able to act on his emotions.  


They're going out for drinks tonight, and Sasuke would much rather stay in bed and cry himself to sleep. There are a couple of things wrong with this alternative though. One of them being, he refuses to fucking cry over a man even if that man is fucking Naruto. Plus, he's been so stressed this entire week that he's starting to believe a few drinks won't hurt him. He grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, rhythmically going through the task that he's done so many times, focusing on the circular motion of the bristles against his teeth. He will not be allowing his brain to drift to his dissatisfaction with life.

A knock on the bathroom door startles him from his musing. He spits out the toothpaste and rinses out his mouth. He yanks the door open and is greeted by an impatient looking Naruto. Sasuke lets out an imperceptible sigh; he knew it was the blond man on the other side of the door but sometimes seeing Naruto really fucking hurt.

The blond's been so occupied with his romantic relationship -and school- that it's beginning to feel like he's cast Sasuke away. He's drowning in this sea of unhappiness, but Naruto won't reach for him. He's been pleading with his eyes, screaming for help. It's like Naruto can't hear him, can't see the darkness that's consuming him, he can't see the pain that's eating away at him—making him feel so _hollow_. What happened to the Naruto that could tell the slightest shift in his mood? It seems like their 'unbreakable' bond is starting to show some cracks. How fucking ironic. His eyes are stinging; he blames it on exhaustion and the harsh lighting in the bathroom. He's also not wearing his glasses, so it could be that. He clears his throat and tries to focus on Naruto, and not the sensation of him being dragged under. 

He tilts his head inquiringly, signaling that it was time for Naruto to initiate the verbal exchange. The irritation on Naruto's features softens just a tad. 

"Sas, we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago, are you ready now?"

Sasuke was so busy with his thoughts that he completely neglected checking the time -not that he could've- he left his phone in the room anyway. He kind of felt bad, but the more time he spent alone in the bathroom, the less time he'd have to spend seeing Naruto and Hinata together. Hopefully, he'll find someone to have meaningless sex with later tonight. He could close his eyes and imagine it's Naruto under him, maybe then he'll find some sort of comfort in his life. Yes, the thought was disgusting, but he's already looking forward to it. With his mind set, he averted his gaze and finally responded to Naruto.

"I'm sorry... I lost track of time, let me grab my jacket and phone from my room and then we can head out."

Naruto nodded tightly and frowned when Sasuke brushed past him, that's become the norm lately. It's not like Sasuke to apologize, but that's hardly the most concerning thing about this interaction. Sasuke can't look at him anymore. His eyes are always downcast and distant. He wasn't even looking at him when he muttered out his reply. It's almost as if Sasuke's being cautious? Whatever it is, he doesn't like it; he's been yearning to spend more time with Sasuke, but it's like all his free time is spent coddling Hinata. This relationship is quite honestly exhausting him; their dynamic was fine before. She was a good friend, and that's all it should've been, but he just had to take Sakura's advice. Six months in and he still hasn't learned much about her, it's like she's reverted to the blushing girl he knew when they first started college. He sighs in frustration. _'Not right now Naruto'_. He looked up at the sound of boots hitting the floorboards. Naruto's heart did that little fluttery thing it usually does every time Sasuke is around. He's not entirely sure if that feeling is pleasant, but he knows that only Sasuke can evoke such a reaction from him.  


If there was one thing Uchiha Sasuke knew, it was how to look good. He was wearing black skinny jeans -distressed, of course-, a white v-neck, black leather jacket, and black docs*. Leave it to Sasuke to make something so simple look fucking amazing. Naruto himself was wearing an orange sweatshirt and blue skinny jeans paired with his white high top converse. Nothing out of the ordinary for him. He figured he looks okay enough, plus he's already in a relationship. It's not like he's actively trying to lure someone to him.  


"Ready to go, Naruto?"  


Sasuke, on the other hand, looks like he wants the entire bar staring at him. Not like that's unusual, he could be wearing a paper bag, and the occupants of whatever venue they were at would be swooning. Naruto chuckled at the thought and grabbed his car keys; he'd be driving tonight. It's not that he didn't drink, but he's well aware of how loose lip he becomes when he's properly inebriated. He fears that if he gets drunk while he's out with Hinata, he might voice his dissatisfaction with the relationship. That's not how he wants things with them to end. Hinata's a sweet girl and a good friend; he wants to break it off without damaging their friendship. Easier said than done though, once again, he blames Sakura entirely for this mess.  


Fuck, he's so stressed right now that he's even considering a drink. He squashes that thought as soon as it surfaces. He will not be drinking and driving tonight. He'll just have to suffer through another awkward gathering and trying to get his girlfriend to look at him without blushing or stuttering.  


He pulls his phone from his back pocket. Great, they're almost an hour late. Naruto doesn't mind it anymore; the later they get there, the less time he has to spend in an awkward situation. With that in mind, he headed out the flat and sets a leisurely pace to the parking garage. Hopefully, Sasuke has fun tonight.

* * *

The one night, the one night Sasuke wouldn't mind being at one of those loud ass clubs brimming with people —Shikamaru picked the bar. This meant that they were at the quietest, coziest place in the tri-state area. To make things worse, this isn't even his usual group of friends; they're all Naruto's friends, he knows that most of them only tolerate him at best. He sighs. Well, probably no sex in his foreseeable future, but there will be copious amounts of alcohol to make up for this inconvenience. His mood brightened up a bit; there were no worries that a couple shots of tequila couldn't make disappear. With that in mind, he weaved his way through the tables and headed over to the group. As expected, Sakura, Ino, Neji, and Hinata are all seated at the booth sipping on liquor and conversing. There were two available spaces, one beside Hinata and another beside Neji. Either way you put it, Sasuke was stuck with a Hyuuga. He slid in next to Neji and allowed the blond to occupy the seat next to his girlfriend.  


It was going to be a long night; he needed to start drinking.

Half an hour and three shots of tequila later, Sasuke was feeling pleasantly buzzed. He even joined in on the meaningless chatter and made a few jokes of his own. He was feeling good. He glanced across the booth at his best friend and the blond locked eyes with him and smirked before reaching over to his girlfriend and shoving his tongue down her throat. Suddenly, he doesn't feel so hot anymore; he needs more alcohol. Why was Naruto rubbing his relationship in his face? He got up and made his way over to the bar. He needs something a bit stronger than the tequila. 

He's back in his seat, and it's honestly starting to feel like Neji's undressing him with his eyes. Before today, he'd never given the elder Hyuuga much thought, but he's drunk and horny enough not to regret what he does next.  


He angles his body slightly so that he's facing Neji a bit more and smiles, hoping to look a bit more inviting. He slides his eyes over the man, and he can't say he's disappointed. Neji was dressed similarly to Sasuke, but instead of a white v-neck his was black, and his jeans were only ripped at the knees. He had forgone a jacket, his sole accessory being the silver watch adorning his left wrist. Oh, that's hot. Neji's hot.  


Neji smirks at him before spreading his legs a little more and placing his elbow on the table, cradling his face with his palm, his face and hair occupying Sasuke's vision. He decides to initiate the conversation; he doesn't flirt much, so he's not exactly sure what to say. If the way Neji's looking at him is anything to go by, what comes out of his mouth won't matter anyway. He doesn't have to think of a conversation starter anymore though, because Neji beat him to it.  


"You know, I don't think we've ever had an actual conversation."  


Sasuke blinked —what?  


"I'd be mighty disappointed if all of this was just a precursor to a polite exchange."  


The older man huffed out a laugh. In Sasuke's inebriated state, even Neji's laugh was appealing. His skin was tingling at the sound.  


"I assure you it's not, just a casual observation."  


"Alright," he glanced over at Naruto, and he could've sworn the blond man was glaring at him; he must be imagining things. "Well, what do you have planned?"  


They're about 30 minutes into this conversation and Sasuke's pleasantly surprised by how entertaining Neji actually is. He's witty and sarcastic, but they really ought to get to the fucking part soon.  


"Should we move this conversation elsewhere?" he whispered seductively, but _apparently_ not low enough because all eyes at the table turned towards them. Fuck, drunk Sasuke needed to learn voice control. He groaned into his elbow. He wanted to fuck, but he didn't need his entire friend group knowing that he was going to fuck Neji.  


A hand softly cupped his flaming face, and he looked up at a clearly amused Neji. He wasn't sure if he should punch him or scream and cover his face once more. Neji leaned in closer and whispered -like an actual whisper and not the whisper screaming that he just did- "yes, we definitely should"  
Well, at least he didn't embarrass himself for no reason.  


He was about to get up when someone else yanked him out of his seat. That someone else was not Neji, but instead a very angry Naruto. It is taking all of Sasuke's self-control to not fucking throat punch the blond.  


Who the fuck yanks someone's arm like that, and why the hell is he even upset?  


"Naruto-"  


"We're leaving."  


"What? Let go of-"  


"No. We're leaving."  


They're causing a scene and if there's anything that Sasuke hates, it's being the center of attention. He glares at Naruto, begging the blond to read the room. How daft could this asshole be? Naruto just glares back; Sasuke knows very well what that means. He's made this decision, and if Sasuke doesn't just comply, this is going to end in a fistfight. He weighs his options but ultimately chooses the nonviolent one. He sighs in resignation and smiles apologetically at Neji.  


It's a shame that he couldn't have gotten his sex fix tonight. He's going to fucking kill Naruto.

* * *

When the apartment door shut behind them, Sasuke exploded.  


"What the fuck is your problem Naruto?"  


The blond took a deep breath in that did nothing but further agitate Sasuke. Three more minutes and he'd be leaving a black eye on that pretty fucking face. Naruto was just begging for it at this point; he's fucking pissed off, this is not fair. He's been fucking suffering because of Naruto; he wants to punch him, make him hurt, make him bleed so that he could feel even a little bit of what Sasuke's going through.  


"Neji, Sasuke? Fucking Neji? There's a bar full of people and yet you decide to fuck Neji!?"  


Sasuke laughed maniacally, WHY IS NARUTO THE ONE WHO'S UPSET? "I'm sorry I was unaware that you had to be consulted before I decide who I fuck for the night."  


"You know that's not what I mean. Why fucking Neji?"  


"Why not Neji? I thought you'd approve since he's also a Hyuuga, or are you the only one allowed to experience sex with a member of their family?"  


"What-what the fuck are you even talking about me and her haven't even had sex."  


"Oh… so she is a prudish as she appears to be, great to know."  


"Sasuke-"  


"Shut up Naruto. Why the fuck are you reacting like this? First, you've been fucking pulling away from me for weeks, and now you're mad at me for trying to have sex! You were the one who invited me in the first place! 'Sas let's go; I haven't seen you in forever, let's spend time together'"  


"Sas-"  


"No, let me finish Naruto. Do you know how hard it is watching the person who's most important to you treat you like an afterthought because they have a girlfriend now? You invite me places with you, then you fucking ignore me the entire time we're out. What's worse is that half of the time, you don't even fucking tell me she's coming along —and no, I don't hate your fucking stupid girlfriend. I-" He needs to breathe, drunk Sasuke's not as good at concealing his emotions or his thoughts apparently. Why the fuck is telling Naruto all of this? He can't even stop talking, god this is embarrassing. "I just hate feeling like I'm being cast aside. Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me, please tell me and I'll fix -"  


His rambling was interrupted by soft lips covering his own. His eyes, having already been squeezed shut from embarrassment, shot open at the sensation.  
Okay, so he didn't imagine it, Naruto is kissing him. His lips parted in shock and Naruto apparently took that as the signal to entangle their tongues and pull Sasuke closer to himself. The blond grabbed one of Sasuke's legs and placed it around his waist, deepening the kiss and groaning into the raven's mouth.  


That's what shattered the illusion. Naruto had a girlfriend. The same tongue that's down his throat right now was down hers, not even a full hour ago. His entire body slumped as he roughly shoved the blond away, his eyes a mixture of pain and disgust.  


"Fuck-" Naruto reached out for him, but he flinched away from the touch, being near Naruto was too painful right now.  


"Sasuke- fuck… Sas, I'm sorry, please let's talk."  


"I-" fuck, his voice was shaking. He bit his lip, fighting himself to keep the tears at bay. He gave up on trying to verbalize his response; he didn't want to be in the same space as Naruto any longer. Instead, he turned around, walked to his room and locked it.  


He can't understand why he's so disappointed in himself. He feels like such a fucking coward; he could've had him, even if it was just for tonight. Even though he'd be going back to Hinata tomorrow, he still could've had him. Who is he really fooling? He can't do that, that's not the type of relationship he wants with Naruto; he doesn't want to share him. The thought of him still being with someone else makes him sick. If he can't have him to himself, then he doesn't want him at all. He slid to the floor after shedding his clothes, silently crying into his alcohol stained shirt. He's done this before; this is familiar, what happened in the living room was not. He'll confront all the new and foreign feelings tomorrow, but for now, crying into his shirt was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *docs- Dr. Martens boots... you know, the ankle boots but his are platforms! (I wasn't sure if people would be confused because I call them that so I just had to clarify if you were.) 
> 
> I was aiming for a weekly update schedule but honestly, I don't have a structured bone in my body.  
> I hope you guys liked it enough to come back for chapter two!


	2. What's the Opposite of Novacaine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke does something he's going to regret, but can you blame him? He just wants the pain to go away. He might've made it worse though.
> 
> **This chapter was not included in the previous version.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for my delayed post, I really was aiming for weekly but the past few weeks have been _difficult_. I started summer classes today and I’m not entirely sure I can fit updating this fic into my schedule. I had to leave you guys with something before I potentially disappear for even longer. Again I really am sorry, I hope you enjoy the update!!!

His entire body is on fire. 

Instinctively, he reaches for his phone and glasses on his nightstand and is shocked when his hand comes in contact with the cold, hardwood floors. His eyes fly open in shock, and he frantically tries to take in as much of his surroundings as he can- without his glasses. After a couple seconds of frantic analysis, he comes to the conclusion that he is indeed in his room... just laying on the floor. He sighs in frustration. 

Why the fuck would he fall asleep right here? 

As if answering his question, his brain replayed the events of the previous night. He shoves his face back into the hardwood and groans in embarrassment.

Well, there goes his vow to not cry over Naruto. 

Everything about last night was so fucking embarrassing. From flirting with Neji to begging Naruto to stop ignoring him. It's hard to figure out which of the two was worse. He squeezes his eyes shut as his brain continues to examine the situation, highlighting each and every fuck-up. He can't take it anymore; he's going to scream.

He sits up abruptly and puts his overactive brain to use, scrutinizing his room.

The space is quite… bland.

He's never put much thought into decorating it since he's hardly ever in here. It's minimalistic at best, though minimalists surely had more decorative pieces than he did. There's a bed, bedside tables, and a large mirror that Naruto got him. There's not a single pop of color; all of his furniture is black, except his closet, which is the same color as the white walls. Nothing in the room screams "comfort" or even "lived-in." It's just a room. A room that he sleeps in and gets dressed in, he doesn't need photos. He can probably put some plants in here, Naruto would love that. He lets out a little chuckle, he's only now realizing that the blond is the one who put effort into "decorating" his room. He can't get away-

Is that his phone? He blindly rummages through the pile of clothes he wore out last night. Searching for the device before it can stop ringing. He doesn't even check the caller ID, answering immediately while putting it to his ear.

"Sasuke"

He sighs mentally. His father usually doesn't call, and when he does, the conversation ends badly. Sasuke is already broken enough as is he really doesn't need a chat with his condescending father to top it off.

"Yes, father." He tried to make it polite, but he can't help the resentment that slips through.

"You sound tense, are you okay?"

"My apologies… I just woke up." 

"At 2 p.m.? That explains why you didn't answer my previous calls. This is the third time I've tried to reach you today, your mother even called Naruto, she's worried sick." Welp! There goes the chance of having a normal fucking tête-à-tête. He's royally fucked this one up.

"Is something the matter? Why is mother worried?"

"When are you coming home, Sasuke? We miss you." The voice on the line was gentler, kinder. The anger that was rearing its head... faded away.

"Mom… I'm sorry, I can probably make it home sometime this week." 

She squealed. "Really?" 

He could hear his father chastising her "Mikoto calm down" He chuckled softly, it never occurred to him how much he actually missed the two. Well, his mom specifically, his father was much more _difficult_ to get along with. He's digressing. He pulls his phone from his ear to check the date. Spring Break is starting on Monday next week, but he's positive he can make it home by Thursday. 

"Yes, Thursday the latest."

"That's amazing sweetie… is Naruto coming home too?" 

"He should be, though I'm not sure; we haven't spoken in a bit."

It was his father's turn to chime in "y'all share an apartment."

_Yes, we do captain fucking obvious._

He huffs out the most convincing fake laugh he can manage, "it's not like we're fighting or anything. He just spends all his time with his girlfriend." That's not exactly a lie, but it's not one hundred percent true either.

"Oh, he has a girlfriend?" His mom

"Mhm."

"What about you, Sasuke?" He stands up, knowing where this conversation is going and doesn't want to do it. Not right now, not after last night. But when has his father ever cared about his emotions? He was a man, and he came from a respectable family, so he's to do what all respected men do. He hadn't realized he was pacing until he walked past his mirror the third time. He stops, glaring at his mostly naked form - his only article of clothing being his boxers- mentally preparing himself for the unwanted discussion. 

"Hrm.. what do you mean, father?" He impatiently taps his foot and listens to the rustling on the other end of the line. There's the audible thunk of a door sliding shut, his father having moved away from his mom. She was the only thing that stood between him and his father, sparing him from Fugaku's constant scrutiny. He sinks to the floor in front of his mirror and waits. He _knows_ it's coming. 

"When are you going to stop this foolishness and settle down as well? You're only getting older, even Naruto knows not to embarrass his family like that, so why do you insist on embarrassing ours?" Over the years, he's learned that being aware of what's coming can never stop the hurt. He takes a deep breath in; what is with his father and the constant need to compare Sasuke to everyone. First Itachi, and now Naruto?

"I assure you, the only one embarrassed about my sexuality is _you_."

"Watch your mouth Sasuke." That's amusing. He smirks at his reflection, he's about to reply when his father beats him to it. 

"You know I should've expected that this is what you'd become; we pushed our luck when we decided to have another one. Disappointing."

Ouch. It was time to hang up; there was no reason to listen to his father's criticism any longer. He can't understand why he still has faith in Fugaku, the man has resented him for most of his life.

"Well, as always, it was nice hearing from you father; see you on Thursday. Tell mom that I love her."

"Sasuke, this conversation is not over."

Is it ever? 

"We should save the rest for in-person." He hangs up, not giving his father a chance to respond. Sasuke refused to provide him with the satisfaction of having the last word. 

There's something wet sliding down his cheek. He refocuses on the mirrored image of himself. When did he start crying? He furiously rubs at his eyes. This is pathetic, he's pathetic. He should stop crying over the things his father says to him. You think after all the years of him constantly being a disappointment, he'd get used to it, so why does it keep getting harder?

He glares at his reflection. This is stupid, he needs a shower; he'll be less aware of the tears staining his cheeks. With that, he gets up and grabs his towel heading towards the shared bath, praying that Naruto's not here to see him crying. His stupid brain can't deal with any more of this shit today. 

* * *

It's around 6 p.m. when he finally crawls out of bed. He's perfectly fine staying here all day, but he needs food. He throws on some sweat pants and his favorite oversized hoodie. It's his go-to "I'm sad pls hug me" outfit; he's not really sure he wants Naruto to comfort him right now, but he's not exactly avoiding it either. He grabs his phone off the bedside table and puts on his glasses, finally ready to face the world outside of his room.

He puts a pot of water on the fire and grabs a box of mac & cheese. Hopping on the counter closest to the stove, he pulls his right foot to his chest and scrolls through his phone while he waits. He decides to check the group chat to see if they're talking about anything exciting, but it looks like they're just planning to go drinking _again_ tonight. Even Karin, Jugo, and Suigetsu are joining them. Where were these idiots last night when he needed them? 

_Karin [6:25 p.m.]: @Naruto @Sasuke are y'all coming?_

He grimaces at the thought. Two nights of clubbing and drinking?No, not for him, thanks. He's about to decline the offer when Naruto does it for him. 

_Naru [6:26 p.m]: Nah, I don't think so we're gonna stay in._

Fucking Naruto making decisions for him. He glances over at water and decides it's hot enough. He grabs his box of pasta and dumps it in, stirring it a bit so the pasta doesn't sit on the bottom of the pot. He sets his fork down on the emptied box and returns his attention to the group chat. 

_Neji [6:26 p.m]: Oh? I wasn't aware you guys patched things up after last night._

_Suigetsu [6:27 p.m]: Damnit, something happened last night? Of course, the one night I miss!!!!_

_Sakura [6:27 p.m]: Lol… it really wasn't that serious. I've seen the boys bounce back from worse_

True.

_Naru [6:28 p.m]: Neji I don't see why this is any of your business._

_Neji [6:28 p.m]: That's quite a hypocritical statement... don't you agree, Naruto?_

_Shika [6:29 p.m.]: Troublesome_

_Naru [6:29 p.m]: He was drunk._

_Ino [6:30 p.m]: What time are we meeting?_

_Neji [6:30 p.m]: Oh please Naruto, we both know that's not why it bothered you._

Oh, Neji is fucking bold, is Hinata not in this group chat? He quickly scans the members and realizes that, yes, yes, she is. So why the fuck is her cousin and her boyfriend openly arguing about him? He sighs in frustration. Naruto really doesn't know when to shut the hell up. Despite how flattering it is having two men argue about you, he wished they wouldn't do it in the group chat. He picks up his fork and stirs the pasta. It should be cooked within the next five minutes. His phone buzzes and of course, it's the group chat; he still hasn't decided whether he's going to reply or just continue lurking.

_Karin [6:31 p.m.]: We can aim for 8:30...is that good for everyone?_

_Naru [6:31 p.m]: What are you actually saying Neji?_

Sasuke rolls his eyes, Naruto knows exactly what Neji's saying. 

_Ino [6:32 p.m]: Yes!!_

_Jugo [6:32 p.m.]: *thumbs up emoji*_

_Suigetsu [6:32 p.m]: anytime is party time *tongue out emoji*_

_Shika [6:32 p.m.]: That works_

_Sakura [6:32 p.m]: Yup!_

_Neji [6:32 p.m]: Yeah, Hinata's not coming tho._

_Neji [6:33 p.m]: Everyone at the table could see you were vibrating with jealousy. I don't understand why though. You were sitting right next to my cousin; who's also your girlfriend... in case you forgot"_

Sasuke's mouth widened in surprise, a little disbelieving chuckle slipping through. Oh my god, oh my god, Neji really does not give a fuck. His amusement dies down when he realizes that this is somewhat about him; WHY IS THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENING IN THE GROUP CHAT? He's about to put an end to it when he remembers his pasta. He quickly slides off the countertop and grabs the colander, draining the pasta before putting it back in the pot. He adds in some of the cheese paste and sprinkles a little salt, praying to god that things in the chat haven't escalated even more. He grabs a bowl and dishes himself some pasta, leaving enough in the pot for Naruto, in case the blond wants some later. The very vengeful part of him saying he should let the blond starve for continuously acting the ass. He climbs back onto the countertop and opens the group chat. 

_Sakura [6:34 p.m]: Uh oh… boys, I don't really think this the place for this. This conversation is seeming kind of private._

Kind of? Sasuke scoffs. He wants to deck both of these assholes right now. 

_Karin [6:34 p.m.]: What the hell even happened last night?_

_Shika [6:35 p.m.]: More importantly, why is Sasuke not stopping this?_

"Why the hell am I getting blamed for this?" he grumbles. If he wasn't starving, he'd probably be beating Naruto's ass right now. 

_Naru [6:35 p.m]: Neji shut the fuck up_

_Naru [6:36 p.m]: Sasuke's asleep._

_Karin [6:36 p.m]: Ah, that explains it_

No, he's not. He's in the kitchen, waiting for his pasta to cool down. Welp, he's finally caught up, and Neji hasn't replied it would be the perfect time to tell them both to shut the fuck up. He glanced over at his pasta, then back at his phone, pasta, phone, pasta, phone. He placed his phone down and grabbed his bowl. They should be fine for a few more minutes, he just needs two bites. Plus, he can't deal with idiots on an empty stomach. 

The first bite was heavenly. 

He's completely forgotten his two-bite rule, so he's a bit startled when his phone buzzes. He sighs and puts down the bowl. He should really put an end to this lunacy after all.

_Neji [6:37 p.m]: Did I hit a nerve Naruto?_

He can practically hear Neji saying the words; wow, that asshole was hot. Holy hell Sasuke, this is not the point! Plus, Naruto's _way_ hotter.

_Naru is typing._

Yeah... time to stop this. 

_Sasuke [6:37 p.m.]: Naruto, stop typing._

The blond listened.

_Sasuke [6:37 p.m.]: Are you two freaking children? As flattering as it is having men argue about me. Please do it somewhere else, or preferably not at all._

_Naruto [6:38 p.m.]: He started it._

_This_ is the man he's crying over? 

_Neji [6:38 p.m]: I feel like you started this last night._

And _this_ is the one he was about to have sex with? 

He massages his temples. 

_Sasuke [6:39 p.m.]: Neji shut up. I thought you were the older one, you're behaving more childishly than Naruto._

_Neji [6:39 p.m]: Sasuke, you wound me._

_Neji [6:39 p.m]: You're right, my apologies_

_Naruto [6:39 p.m]: I'm sorry Sas :(_

_Sai [6:40 p.m]: How unfortunate... things were just getting interesting._

Sai was such a cunt. He huffed, jumped off the table, grabbed his bowl, and took it with him to his room. He doesn't want to be here if Naruto comes out. 

_Sasuke [6:40 p.m.]: You're annoying._

_Sasuke [6:40 p.m.]: Also @Naru, I made mac and cheese. It's still warm if you want it._

He hopes that Naruto doesn't see this as an attempt to patch up their relationship. It will take a lot more than a $2 box of pasta to fix this mess. 

* * *

He's been sitting in the living room for an hour now… just staring. The tv's not even on. It's not because he's enjoying the silence or some other cliche bullshit; it's because he can't move. He sat here after cleaning the kitchen, and he can't will his body to move from this spot. So now, he's sitting in the living room just staring. 

The only thing on his mind is the words Uchiha Fugaku said to him earlier that day. What a sick, fucking twisted man. He doesn't understand how his father can do this every time he calls, though what he really can't comprehend is why he assumes that it is going to end differently every time. Hoping that maybe one day, his father is going to look at him and be proud, but reality is cruel, and he understands now that his father will never be proud of him. 

This time he doesn't even try to stop the tears; he closes his eyes and sinks further into the couch. He just wants it to stop. He wants it to stop hurting-

"Sas, what's wrong?" 

_Ah Fuck._ He springs back up and hurriedly wipes away the tears, almost breaking his glasses in the process. He glances at the blond man, his body aches with need. He needs Naruto to hold him right now, even if he's so angry at him; he knows the blond can make him feel better. He clears his throat and attempts to speak. 

"Uhm-" well so much for speaking. He takes a deep breath and tries again. 

"My dad called."

"Oh." Understanding flashes across the blond's face as his form goes a bit stiff. Sasuke can tell he's angry, he snorts internally… _fucking loser_ , no wonder he's in love with the blond. He's a bit startled when Naruto sits beside him, Sasuke can't decide if he's okay with having the blond in his space yet or not. Though he really would love to be encased in those arms right now. 

"Are you alright, Sasuke?"

He can't find his voice to produce a reply; he shakes his head in disagreement. Naruto's eyes soften, he reaches his hand out to touch Sasuke before realizing his error and quickly pulling it back. It seems that the blond man is still walking on eggshells; _good, he should be._ The other slightly needier part of him is begging for Naruto to touch him. He wants something to make his father's condescending voice go away. 

"Hm… wanna talk about it?" The blond sheepishly rubs his arm, Sasuke knows better. They're both shit at communication, plus he's already angry enough at Naruto. This conversation will stop being about his father and somehow circle back to last night's events. He doesn't really want to do that, so he just shakes his head again. 

"Mhm okay…" he can see that Naruto's hesitant to say what's on his mind and just as he's about to tell him to spit it out, the blond speaks again, but this time much softer… barely above a whisper. "Want a hug?"

Sasuke hesitates for only .5 of a second, he knows that he needs it. Instead of replying, he just slides himself into the blond's arms, releasing a contented sigh. 

The hug's not working. He _needs_ more. He pulls himself out of Naruto's arms and reoccupies his old seat, but this time moving slightly closer to Naruto. 

"Naruto…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm a disappointment?" Naruto sighs and angles his body facing Sasuke, his back, against the armrest. This is not their first conversation along these lines, but it's his first time asking Naruto that question. Sasuke knows that what he's asking is stupid, yet he asks anyway... he needs that reassurance right now. 

"Why would I ever think that?" The blond is staring at him now. 

He shrugs, "dunno. Sometimes, I feel like you hate me."

Naruto's eyes widen in pure horror. It's as if the thought of hating Sasuke genuinely offended him. Sasuke doesn't regret asking, that's just how he feels. 

"I don't."

"Then prove it." 

The blond sputters. 

"What?"

He angles his body so that he's facing Naruto and glares at him. He knows he shouldn't do this, but he's going to do it anyway. Fuck morality… he needs this. He _needs_ him. 

"Prove it."

"How?" Naruto looks absolutely lost now. 

"Kiss me." His voice was confident, but his hands shook with the request. Naruto pulls back. 

"Sas, I can't-" Bullshit. 

"Of course you can… you did it last night." Again, Naruto sputters, but Sasuke's not backing down yet. "If you don't hate me, then prove it… kiss me." The last statement is a lot softer than everything else he's said; he can't seem to keep his hands from shaking. Sasuke squeezes his thighs, a futile effort to stop his body from vibrating with nerves. He needs this, he needs to know that Naruto doesn't hate him. This is the only way, he bites his upper lip and forces the tears back down. 

Finally, he gains the courage to look back up, and he can't quite place the emotion on the blond's face. Sasuke can't pinpoint why that look hurts so much. He wants to believe that Naruto doesn't hate him, he wants to be sure that the blond would do anything for him. Naruto's hesitation is just dragging him down again. He stands up and Sasuke's heart shatters as the blond runs his hand through his hair, sighing as he paces the length of their living room. 

He stops and faces Sasuke.

"Sas… god... I love you _so much_ , but not like this."

Why are Naruto's eyes watering? He's the one hurting Sasuke when he needs him. He feels the sudden urge to scream. He can't find the words to respond, he just sits there staring blankly as the first tear slips free. Naruto backs away from him and is about to disappear into the alleyway when he stops and delivers the finishing blow.

"I shouldn't have done that last night, and I can't make the same mistake again." Sasuke's entire body felt like he had just been doused in cold water. He didn't breathe, he couldn't. He heard Naruto's door shut as the first sob wracked through his body. 

_A mistake_. 

_Is that all it was to you Naruto?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter was not entirely terrible. Thank you for reading!  
> See you on my next update


	3. Sunday's Interlude: Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's Sunday doesn't go quite how he planned. Also, what's wrong with his brain?
> 
> **This chapter was not included in the previous version**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... idk, this is Naruto’s version of Sunday. 
> 
> pls forgive me if this chapter is like bad... I‘ve been staring at it for hours and I might ruin it if I keep going.  
> happy reading!

Rain. 

Naruto loved the rain, but it could not comfort him today. The pitter-patter of the raindrops against his window did nothing to soothe him. The rumbling thunder only reminded him of his own inner turmoil. How do you escape? How do you free yourself when the cause of your demise is right here, inside you? A bitter chuckle slips past his lips, since when has he been this poetic? The booming of thunder takes him back to a simpler time. A memory that he's almost sure he'd imagined. It's one of the few childhood memories he shares with Sasuke that did not end in a fight. Thinking back on it, it might be why Sasuke hates the rain so much, it might be why he'd seek Naruto out when it stormed. They were children, how could he have known that sitting beside him in their living room under their poorly built fort during that thunderstorm would have come to mean so much to them both- He sighs. He doesn't deserve to be worried about Sasuke, not after what he did last night.

Can you really blame him though? He was angry, and he sure as hell has the right to be. Kissing Sasuke on Friday was unfair, but what Sasuke did to him last night wasn't fair either. To be honest, it hurt. It made him feel like absolute crap, but ultimately it's his fault. He threw the first punch -metaphorically- so Sasuke just threw one back. Really, what else could you expect from them? They've never really tried conventional methods when it came to problem-solving, but this time they went too far. 

He still can't believe that Sasuke tried to manipulate his feelings like that. He almost did it; he almost caved. Naruto's never had much impulse control to begin with, which is exactly how this fucking mess began. If he'd just fucking been able to let Sasuke do what he wanted on Friday, they wouldn't have-

He sighs in frustration and throws the covers off of him. Analyzing past situations won't bring about solutions. What the fuck is he even saying? Of course it will. He's just too embarrassed to think about Friday, to remember the disgust in Sasuke's eyes when he pushed him away. He doesn't want to remember how happy Sasuke looked with Neji. How _at ease_ he seemed to be. It frustrated him, he hasn't been able to have a conversation with Sasuke for _months_ without an extreme level of discomfort. So why the fuck does Neji deserve it? Why does he have to sit there and watch them basically fuck each other with their eyes?

When Sasuke asked to change venues, something broke. He didn't want it to happen, he completely disregarded his girlfriend sitting _right_ next to him. Just to be a hypocrite, to stop Sasuke from doing exactly what he planned to do with Hinata tonight. Maybe he should've just let it happen, let Sasuke have his fun, but if he did he wouldn't have been able to make love to Hinata. He wouldn't have been able to give her the tenderness she deserved. He couldn't do that to her. 

In hindsight, the path he chose must've hurt her more. He can only imagine what it must've felt like watching your boyfriend fawn over his best friend, and fume at your cousin. He's never been great at masking emotions when Sasuke was involved, so he's sure she knows. He completely disregarded the night they had planned just to stop his crush from fucking someone else. What a fucking idiot he was. He's not quite sure what reaction he expected from Sasuke, but for some reason, he really did not expect anger. Silly, silly Naruto. He really fucked this one up. He agitatedly ran his fingers through his hair, _what a fucking shit show_.

_"A mistake."_ He sighs… yes, he was right, it was all a huge fucking mistake. He doesn't regret kissing Sasuke, but he does regret the timing. He should have known better, he knows Sasuke well enough to have seen the signs, but he was tired. He was tired of being ignored, tired of being angry... so he acted. All his impulsive decision did was make things worse. He made it worse for him, for Sasuke, for Hinata and even for Neji to a certain extent. 

He turns to his right… this room, Sasuke let him have it because of the massive window. He was aware that Naruto preferred natural light, but more importantly, it's really great for his plants! At the mention of his babies, he looks up at the shelf right over his bed. He keeps a few of his house plants there, the rest are out on the balcony. He just loved being surrounded by greenery and light. There's a desk on the left side of the room, opposite the window. He prefers to study when the sun is up, and the light is hitting his textbooks. He glances down at each of his bedside tables; he hardly ever uses them. He only purchased them because Sasuke liked the color and thought that Naruto could do with the added storage. He was right. He has pictures of his family on the left and a picture that he and Sasuke took a few months ago on the right. He usually updates it every time they do something together, yet this one… was from five months ago. That's quite _telling_ , he hadn't realized that it had gotten this bad, this fast.

He got out of bed and threw on the first pair of sweatpants he could find, he doesn't bother finding a different shirt, the one he's wearing right now will do fine. Besides, he's only going to the kitchen for some food. On his way out of his room, he trips over the pile of laundry that was suppose to be done yesterday. He kicks it in agitation but picks up the pile of clothes to throw in the wash anyway. 

He's on his way to the kitchen when he spots Sasuke walking towards him. In hindsight, he should just move out of his way, he's already done enough... but _he can't_. He can't move, the sick part of him that yearns for his best friend is taking over again. He just wants to _touch_ him, even though he doesn't deserve to. He positions himself so that he's obscuring Sasuke's path, and as expected, the distracted raven walks right into him. 

"Ou-" Sasuke's not actually falling, he doesn't need Naruto's hand on him, but he reaches out anyway. He gently grabs hold of the raven, just to touch… such a simple thing brought such great comfort. He's itching to pull him closer, but he knows he doesn't have the right, he knows he doesn't deserve to feel him right now. He rubs his thumb against the skin on Sasuke's inner elbow and barely suppresses a full-body shiver. _What the fuck is wrong with him?_ He wants to stop touching him, he wants to pull his hand away from the smooth skin, but once again, he can't. 

This time, Sasuke does it for him. He yanks his arm away and takes a few steps back, glaring at Naruto. Realistically he should've expected this, but it still hurts. Of course Sasuke wouldn't want to be around him. He's a fucking idiot after all. Before he even realizes, he's already apologizing; for touching him, for hurting him, _for everything_.

"Erm, I'm sorry Sas… I just-" Instinctively, he reaches out again… he's pushing his luck once more. He just wants to know whether he's still allowed to touch him, so he doesn't pull back. Not until he sees how Sasuke's eyes widen and the slight tightening of his jaw, his heart sinks. He deserved this… he drops his hand and averts his gaze.

He could not even react when his right shoulder made contact with the concrete wall, a furious Sasuke shoving him out of the way and storming to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. Well, if Naruto didn't get the message before, he surely understands it now. A bitter chuckle slips past his lips. _How the fuck is he going to fix this?_

He sighs and makes his way to the kitchen. He always forgets his objective when Sasuke's around. First, breakfast, then he has a date with his girlfriend. 

He _really_ should break up with Hinata 

* * *

Honestly, he feels a bit disgusting. 

It's not her, he wasn't forced to do it, but he still does. It's kind of hard to explain. He came here to end things, so why is he lying next to her after having sex _with her_? She didn't force him; he didn't force her, so how the fuck did they end up here? 

He knows, honestly, he knows… it's because he's a fucking coward. He sighs and tries to hide the way he flinches when she runs her fingers over his stomach. He can't stand it. He tries to think, when did he come to resent Hinata? Was it on Friday, or was it before that? Did it start when he couldn't find time to be with Sasuke as much? He saw the small changes in Sasuke's demeanor whenever she was around... is that why he began hating her? Is it her fault that Sasuke started pulling away from him?

He's being unfair. He knows that realistically, he's as much to blame for Sasuke pulling away. Actually, it's entirely his fault. He should've made more time for him, should've spent more time with him. Just like they did before, but being with him just made it alarmingly clear that he didn't really want her. 

Hinata was safe, his parents loved her. They approved of her, she came from wealth, and she was educated... but most importantly, she was a girl. He's not as naive to think that they'd be okay with him and Sasuke being together. He tried to talk to them about his sexuality, but the discussion was shut down before it even began. Imagine how they'd react if he brought him home. They love Sasuke, but he's not stupid enough to believe that they'd enjoy seeing them together. As harsh as that reality is, he still wants it. He still yearns for-

A hand lightly cups his face while gentle kisses are pressed to his temple; her body is too close. Her left leg, rubbing against his thigh. It's taking every ounce of his self-control to not shove her off. He's disgusting, he knows, but that's already been established. He should put his boxers back on, their proximity would be less repulsive if there was some sort of physical barrier obscuring it. He's about to reach for his boxers when she speaks up, and to be honest, he'd have preferred it if she didn't. He sighs mentally and reminds himself to focus on what she's saying. Her voice was worsening the headache that her moaning caused.

"-joy it?" He tilts his head in confusion, and he ultimately regrets it; now, his face is towards her... and he can feel the little puffs of her breath against his skin. He pulls away, but just slightly, not enough for her to become suspicious. 

"Hm?"

She giggles a little, the sound melodic; for a few seconds, he can't seem to justify his hatred, and then she speaks. The illusion shatters just as quickly as it came.

"I said, I really enjoyed it… do you want to do it again?" He knows that's a lie, this isn't what she said before, but it seems sex has emboldened her. The only good thing that's come out of it so far. He's glad that he hasn't ruined sex for her since that's the last thing he'd want to do, but he does not envision himself doing it again. He's strategically avoided it for the past 6 months; she wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't think about her when they did it, not after Sasuke's lips were on his on Friday. All he could think about was him, all he ever thought about was him. He _really_ should break up with her. 

"What?" God, since when was her voice this loud? She sat up, pulling the sheet with her, putting a couple centimeters between them. She looks visibly startled, and he doesn't know what can possibly call for such a reaction. She was literally just offering him round two, he hadn't even responded to it yet. He sits up and takes this opportunity to reach for his boxers on the floor, pulling it on. He gets up and throws his t-shirt on as well, cause why the hell not? Something's obviously ruined the mood, so he might as well start getting dressed. 

"Why are you getting dressed Naruto? Were you serious?" He doesn't turn around until his shirt is back on. He's positively confused now, he hasn't even said anything. There are tears in her eyes, and he can't understand why they're there. _He hasn't done anything!_ He's not an asshole though, something's clearly upset her. He crawls back onto the bed to comfort her, but she shoves him away. It starting to seem like everyone's fucking pushing him away. This is not like her, she doesn't get angry. What could he have actually said to make her this angry? 

"Hina? Why are you upset? What's wrong?" His concern for her is more important than his misplaced anger, she's still his friend after all. That just seems to frustrate her more, now she's screaming at him. 

"What the fuck do you mean!?" Cursing as well? What the hell did he do to Hinata? 

"I- can you please tell me what's making you this angry? It's not like you to get upset." She gets up and starts dressing. 

"How can you not know when you're the one who fucking said it?!" He props himself against the headboard and runs a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands. What the fuck is even happening?

"What? I haven't said anything" She was in the middle of putting her shirt on when she stops and glares at him. Her eyes looked as if they could paralyze him; in a sense, he feels like he is. He doesn't know how to react to this Hinata, he's never met her before.

"Are you gaslighting me? It's starting to feel like you're gaslighting." It's Naruto's turn to get upset. 

"What are _yooouuu_ even talking about?! I haven't fucking said a word to you, yet you're accusing me of fucking gaslighting."

"You literally just said that we should break up, then you started getting dressed! Now you're completely denying saying anything to me? How is that not gaslighting me Naruto? Do you need a fucking dictionary?" This is the most upset he's ever seen her, and honestly, where was this passion before he suggested the breakup? Suggested the breakup? What-

"I suggested we break up?" He can't remember saying that, he's thought about it multiple times, but he's never actually said it. Besides, what type of idiot waits until his girlfriend suggests a second round to break up? 

"Deny it again, and I will throw your fucking shoe at you" She picked up the black slip on vans and directs it at the blond. He sighs in frustration, this is stupid might as well break up with her for real. 

"I really didn't say it!" He throws his hands up in frustration. Then... he realizes when it might have slipped, his eyes widen in horror and his arms fall to his sides. "At least not out loud." it's barely above a whisper, but she hears it. She hears it, and her shoulders slump in realization... as if within the 5 seconds she had grasped the deeper meaning of that statement. He watched as the fire drained from her eyes, they no longer held the same anger. They were empty, she seemed _hollow_. All of a sudden, Naruto missed the screaming. He'd prefer it, rather than looking int her empty eyes. He just keeps pulling new emotions out of her, he should have never dated her. He knew it would end in hurt. He averts his gaze, he can't look at her anymore.

"Hinata, I'm-" she didn't let him finish. The sound of his shoe falling to the floor is deafening.

"How long?" Another sigh.

"How long what?" He knows what she's going to ask, so why couldn't he have just answered the question? Why does he need to hear her say it? Why is he stalling? He really is a coward after all. 

"How long have you wanted to break up Naruto? Don't be daft." Her voice is a lot softer, reminiscent of the Hinata he knows, but it lacked the gentleness. Right now, he knows he doesn't deserve that lilt. 

"I- please don't make me do this," he pleads. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore, it's seemingly inevitable by now. He'd already done it in the worst possible way, he'd allowed her to believe that the relationship was fine when he knew he couldn't stand it anymore. Why the hell did he have sex with her? Took her virginity at that. He just keeps creating more of a shit-show. How many people is he going to hurt just to get to Sasuke? This obsession can't possibly stem from somewhere healthy. 

"Tell me or get out." He snaps back to reality, her arms are crossed, but her lip is wavering… she's losing confidence by the minute. He's going to leave anyway, but she deserves the truth. He picks his sweats up off the floor and haphazardly puts them on. He doesn't even check to see if they're inside out or not. [They're not.]

"Hina, I just-"

"Don't call me that." He's not surprised, he sighs and rubs his fists over his closed eyes. 

"I really… I just don't know, maybe one or two-" he sighs heavily. He can't quite bring himself to say it. 

"Weeks?" He shakes his head in disagreement. His eyes are still squeezed shut, he doesn't have the heart to look at her face when she figures it out. But she won't have it. She lightly shoves at his chest, not hard enough to destabilize him, but hard enough to get his attention. He begrudgingly opens his eyes. This is what he didn't want. He can see the tears streaming down her cheeks, the anger in her eyes. He did this.

"You've wanted to break up for months, and you still had sex with me? Why?" This time when she shoved him, he did feel it, his back hit the edge of the dressing table, and he winced in discomfort. Belatedly she realizes what she's done and pulls back, muttering a soft sorry. He chuckles. 

"How can you even apologize to me? I'm the one that should be saying sorry." She glares at him. 

"Get out." The finality in her voice leaves no room for argument. He shoves his shoes on and grabs his jacket off of her desk. He checks his pockets to see if he's missing anything essential and heads for the door. He doesn't face her as he gently pries the door open, but he does speak. He needs her to hear it at least once. 

"Hinata, I really am sorry… I didn't mean for it to end like this. I just- fuck" He doesn't even try to finish his thought. He just steps out of her bedroom and then steps out of the apartment. He's done enough. 

Hopefully, he can start cleaning up this mess.

* * *

The walk back to the apartment cleared his head a bit. Yes, he did hurt someone important to him… but there's a small part of him that's been sighing in relief ever since he walked out of that apartment. He reaches the door to their loft and stops. He contemplates knocking but decides against it; this was his apartment too. 

Usually, he'd let Sasuke know when he was coming home, but he figured that Sasuke might just see it as an excuse for Naruto to speak to him. To be fair, it was... _but_ it was also because he knew that Sasuke sometimes walked around the loft partially nude. He didn't want to walk in on him in a compromising situation. He ran his hand through his hair as he unlocked the door, dropping his keys in the bowl on the entryway table. He kicks off his shoes and takes out his headphones. He's pulling off his jacket when a startled moan stops him mid-tug.

He angles his neck towards the sound and well… that's not the kind of naked he expected Sasuke to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> There might be a few plot holes for now, but I plan on clearing them up in future chapters... I was trying to be _ominous_ idk if it worked tho.


	4. Sunday's Interlude: Sasuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same day just Sasuke’s pov  
> Sasuke is not capable of making sensible decisions.
> 
> **This chapter was not included in the previous version, most of the chapters going forward will also be fairly new.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another Sunday interlude but this one’s actually going up on Sunday! Probably my biggest accomplishment thus far. 
> 
> I feel like every chapter, the quality gets worse. Pls forgive me.

Rain. 

Sasuke's always hated the rain, so it's only fitting that after an absolutely horrid Saturday, he awakes on Sunday to the pitter-patter of raindrops against his bedroom window. He chuckles at the irony; the gods must hate him. Is he paying for the transgressions of his past life? If so, he would like to know what he did to deserve this absolute horror. 

Naruto must be having a better day; the idiot loves the rain. His chest tightens at the mention of the blond. He was almost sure that Naruto would do it, he was confident that Naruto would do absolutely anything to reassure him, but boy was he wrong. The blond _really_ did shock him. If he keeps thinking about it, he's going to cry. He gets up. He doesn't even bother checking his phone; there's probably nothing on there that he needs to see. He grabs his towel and makes his way to the bathroom. Hopefully, he can avoid seeing the blond's face.

This time he's not as lucky. 

"Ou-" A hand reaches out to stabilize him, he looks up and puts distance between him and the current cause of his demise.

"Erm, I'm sorry Sas" Naruto reaches out again, but pulls his hand away, averting his gaze. He knows he doesn't have the right to touch him. Not after that, not after yesterday.

Sasuke doesn't have it in him to look at Naruto right now; all he can feel is disgust. He shoves him out of his way and continues on his path to the bathroom. He's convincing himself that he shouldn't cry, but it wasn't the warm water that streamed down his cheeks. 

* * *

It takes about an hour for Sasuke to pull himself out of the bathroom and even longer to get something to eat. By the time he's in the kitchen, it's almost 1 pm, and Naruto is long gone. He can't help but wonder where the blond could have gone that would require him to take his car. He shrugs it off; what Naruto does in his personal life isn't his business, although he _really_ wishes it was. 

He's stuffing his face with pancakes and watching New Girl when his phone rings. He doesn't bother swallowing, he just pulls it out of his pocket and swipes left along the bottom of the screen. 

"Hello?" Surprisingly his voice is only slightly muffled despite the fact there's an entire pancake shoved into his mouth. How barbaric, he's behaving like Naruto. 

"Couldn't you have at least swallowed before picking up the phone Sasuke?" He rolls his eyes and swallows loudly, just to annoy his brother some more. Itachi hated the sound of him eating; they've fought about it plenty.

"You're interrupting breakfast Itachi, so deal with it." He picks up the remote and turns off the t.v. His brother lets out a contemplative sigh. _Fuck._ He should have said he was eating lunch.

"Breakfast? At 2 pm? Are you alright?" He groans internally, god please don't let Itachi psychoanalyze him right now. 

"Yeah?" He hates how unsure he sounds. No matter how much he wants to right now, he could never really lie to Itachi. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He hadn't realized how much he missed his brother until the familiar words were spoken through the phone. He took a deep breath, pulled the phone from his ear, put it on speaker, and placed it on the armrest next to him. The tears were already streaming when he shoved the next pancake into his mouth, readying himself to relay the horrid weekend that he just lived through. 

"It's about Naruto, and you know… dad." He could almost feel the heat radiating from Itachi's body; his elder brother had always been quite resentful towards Fugaku whenever Sasuke was in the mix. It was the only person that ever brought Itachi out of character. Sasuke gulped down his pancake and readied himself to speak through the tears. 

"What did _he_ do?" Well, it seems they would be discussing Fugaku first after all.

He heaved a breath after relaying most of what he remembered from the short phone call to his elder brother. He picked up his plate and munched on his turkey bacon, waiting for a response. After what seemed like 10 minutes, Itachi spoke. 

"Are you sure you want to go back there? You can always stay with Dei and me; you know how much she misses you, especially now that she's so close to her due date. She's still a bit angry at you for not coming home- ah, sorry I'm rambling." Sasuke chuckled softly; there's nothing he enjoyed more than hearing Itachi speak of his wife. If anyone deserved this type of happiness, it was him. 

"I wouldn't want to do that to mom; You know how she gets. She won't stop complaining about how I chose you over her. It's fine. I think I can handle dad." 

"Handling him is unnecessary; you should just stay with me. Surely mom would understand your reasons." Itachi was almost begging. He's getting the feeling that the elder Uchiha misses him more than he's been letting on. 

"I'll think about it, no promises though" He put his plate on the coffee table, wrapping his arms around his legs and placing his right cheek on his knee. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He doesn't want to talk about what he knows Itachi will be asking next. 

"How are things with Naruto?" He squeezed his eyes shut. Fuck. _No more crying, no more crying._ That still didn't stop the tear from slipping free. 

"Ba-d" Gross, he couldn't even keep his voice steady for a one-syllable word? He placed a fist over his mouth as his body shook with a sob. _Fuck Sasuke. STOP._ He heard Itachi heave a sigh as he moved around his office. His lunch hour should be ending soon. He doesn't want Itachi to hang up yet. 

"Sas, I'm sorry for upsetting you. I hadn't realized it was that bad. We can talk it out when you come home, okay?" He nodded but realized that Itachi wasn't _actually there_ . It was just a stupid phone call, and somehow, that hurt even more. There was a knock on the other end of the line and someone speaking lowly, he knew what it meant, Itachi had to go. He shoved his face into his thighs and squeezed his toes with his fingers, silently begging him not to say it. He doesn't want to be alone right now, but he knows that Itachi has clients... people who _pay_ for his advice. 

"Hey, saskey?" He doesn't say anything because he knows it'll just end in tears. So he waits. Itachi sighs… "I have a client coming in really soon. I'm sorry." Sasuke sighs and tries the stupid breathing exercises that Itachi taught him; they aren't working, so he just speaks through the tears.

"I- I'm so-rry, I'm behaving like a child." He furiously wipes at his eyes, flinging his glasses off in the process. "I just, I miss you, that's all." 

"All the more reason to stay at my house." 

"Itachi, but I can't-" he flails his arms around in exasperation, "you know how they get." He's talking with his hands now, even though his brother can't see him. 

"Sasuke, what have I told you about worrying with other people instead of yourself?" He hears more shuffling on the other end of the line and the sound of furniture scraping the floors. He wonders who Itachi will see right now and for what. He's always been really interested in his brother's career but just from an observation standpoint. He knows he can't handle being a psychologist. "Also, are you still gonna drive down with him, or do you want me to fly you in?" 

"I'd prefer it if you flew me in…"

"Ok, noted… text me, or I'll text you with the details. Love you." Sasuke smiled a little, even through his tears. 

"Love you more, see you when I get home. Bye!" 

A dial tone and then silence... 

He'd never realized how much he hated this silence when Naruto was around. The blond was everything but quiet. The apartment was always livelier; the trips back home seemed marginally shorter. Everything was simply _better_ when he was around. 

Despite how in love he is with Naruto, he misses his best friend. He wants things to go back to normal, but who is he kidding? It can't. He can't pretend he doesn't love Naruto anymore. He can't sit and watch Naruto be happy with someone else. It's either a relationship or nothing. He's not foolish enough to think he'd be okay watching from the sidelines as Naruto gives his all to somebody else. Somebody who was not him. 

He's only been with Hinata for half a year, and Sasuke has already forcefully put this much distance between them. Call him selfish, but he doesn't care. There's no point in lying to himself any longer. There's no point in subjecting himself to further heartache for the sake of being a supportive friend. That wasn't him, that will never be him. He ran his thumb over his trembling bottom lip— _no more crying._

He adjusts himself and slides down the sofa; after all this crying, he deserves a nap.

* * *

He's slipping into the dream world when he first heard it. He ignores it though; it's merely his overactive imagination. The light knocking turns into banging, and he's going to kill whoever's on the other side of the door. He groans and forces himself to get up, the quicker he speaks to them, the faster he can go back to sleep. Preferably in his bed, the couch wasn't all that comfortable.

He does nothing to hide his annoyance when he flies the door open.

"How may I help y-" Oh. He really did not expect that, although he more than likely should have.

"I'm sorry, am I intruding?" He shakes his head dumbly and steps aside. 

"Ah... no, not really, come in." Sasuke watches as he slides off his shoes and ever so eloquently takes off his coat. A shiver runs through his spine, and he blames it on the cracked window. He glances everywhere and decides to take his plate to the kitchen. He needs to put some distance between them. That's not why _he's_ here. Sasuke can't help it though; he's a bit pent up. 

"Would you like something to drink?" 

"No, thank you." Why is he so hot? He has to get out of here quickly and just _breathe_. He grabs the plate and tries not to run to the kitchen. 

It takes Sasuke a few minutes to get back to the living room, and at this point, his guest has already made himself comfortable. He scoffs lightly and stands directly in front of the intruder. 

"Not to be rude, but… why exactly are you here?" He dares to lean back and sink further into the sofa before responding. Sasuke has the sudden urge to strangle him. 

"I don't understand the question? I told you I was coming here yesterday; I wanted to apologize to you in person. Plus, I knew that Naruto wasn't here." Sasuke sighs, he vaguely remembers having that conversation after the shit show that was last night. But how exactly did he know Naruto's whereabouts? Before he can even voice his concern, Neji's answering his unasked question. 

"He's at my apartment with his _girlfriend_." The sarcasm in Neji's voice doesn't slip him. Sasuke huffs. 

" _Your cousin_." He doesn't know why he was compelled to correct Neji, but the thought of Naruto and Hinata still being together was one he couldn't handle. Neji chuckles, unamused. He tilts his head up and smiles at Sasuke. 

"Oh, I'm pretty sure she's _still_ his girlfriend… they were pretty loud before I left the apartment." Sasuke doesn't even try to hide his disgust at the statement. Neji just sighs. 

Calloused fingers wrap around his wrists, and he can't quite remember what he was thinking about. The sensible part of his brain is begging him not to do this; it's only going to make things worse. But he doesn't care anymore; if Naruto can fuck her, then he can fuck Neji. He lets himself be pulled onto the brunets lap, and he barely suppresses a groan as he readjusts himself, wrapping his arms around Neji's neck. 

"Stop thinking about him." The feel of Neji's fingers drumming against his skin sends little sparks of electricity through his spine. He closes his eyes and just lets himself _feel_. He's had a rough few days; he deserves this. Naruto wouldn't give it to him last night, but he's giving it to her right now. He wants it too, even if it's stupid and selfish. He wants to feel wanted too. A hand gently tugs on the strands of his hair, and he can't remember why he was resisting. It felt so good to be touched after so long, so good to be wanted. Sasuke doesn't think this is a mistake, and he knows Neji won't think so either. 

"So, this is why you decided to show up unannounced?" Neji chuckles against his throat. Something about this man just makes him so fucking appealing. Sasuke groans. 

"No, I came here to apologize, but you're just so irresistible." Another scoff; if only Naruto felt the same. 

"Fuck me good enough, and you won't need to apologize." It's official; he was losing his mind because there is no way he actually said that out loud. 

"Oh, don't worry, I will." It should be impossible for someone to be this hot. 

Their mouths slot together, and even if his life were on the line, Sasuke wouldn't be able to tell you who kissed who. He doesn't realize he's whimpering into the kiss until Neji's hands are stabilizing his hips. He pulls back, a bit embarrassed, and tries to catch his breath. Neji's mouth latches onto his neck instead, lapping and sucking at the pulse. _Oh fuck._

"Not, ah-- not here." He's trying to shove Neji off him so they could move things to his room, but Neji seems content to do it right here. The fingers on his hips tighten, and he's sure there'll be bruises tomorrow. The vindictive part of him is hoping that Neji leaves a few visible hickeys. He wants Naruto to see them. 

"Why not? He won't come back anytime soon" He wished Neji wasn't this comfortable speaking on Naruto, he doesn't want to be reminded of what the blond is doing. It's also starting to get on his nerves listening to him talk about the blond this loosely. He covers Neji's mouth with his own; Sasuke likes it better when he's not talking.

He groans as the third finger slips into him, it's been so long since he's felt himself being stretched like this. He closes his eyes and pretends that it's Naruto's hands on him, pretends that it's Naruto caressing his hips like this. There's the sound of a condom being torn open, followed by the sound of lube being squeezed out of the nearly empty bottle. 

He can't seem to stop himself from babbling nonsense. 

"Oh.. fuck Naru-" The fingers inside of him slip out as a hand comes up to cover his mouth. His eyes widen in horror, but Neji just smirks at him. 

"Are you ready?" He nods in confirmation, his eyes rolling back as Neji slips in. He wraps his fingers around the arm covering his mouth and lets himself get lost in the sensation. Neji's harsh panting was like music to his ears; he's so glad the brunet doesn't speak during sex. It makes it easier for his imagination to run wild; he slipped his eyes closed and imagined that it was Naruto under him. Naruto's hand squeezing his hips, Naruto's hand covering his mouth, Naruto _inside_ of him. If he just moves his hips like this then- 

"Oh fuck," he gripped back of the couch and started grinding faster. The hand covering his mouth moved to his hips, and there was nothing to stop the sounds from slipping out. 

A slight jingle at the front door had him tilting his head towards the left. He watched with cloudy eyes as Naruto took off his shoes and wiggled out of his jacket. He lets out a startled moan when Neji fucked into him harder than expected, but his eyes never left Naruto. The blond always looked so fucking good. Belatedly, he realizes his mistake, and their eyes meet; Sasuke knows he should be embarrassed, yet he can't help but feel a little more turned on. A sick part of him wants to put on a show for Naruto, show him exactly what he's missing… and that's _precisely_ what he did. 

The anger drained from Naruto's features, and he watched with rapt attention as Sasuke mouthed his name. Sasuke was approaching his climax fast, faster than he would have if Naruto hadn't been there. He let out a quiet scream as Neji pistoned his hips, and Naruto leaned back on the front door just _watching_ _him_ get fucked. Naruto's eyes on him were _too much_. Neji inside of him was becoming _too much_. The blond looked enthralled; it's as if he's forgotten that he wasn't the one inside of Sasuke right now. Sasuke threw his head back with a groan, just knowing that he did that to Naruto, that he _could_ do that to Naruto made him all the more excited. He came with a breathy whisper of Naruto's name, but Neji's lips were back on his before he could finish it. He forced his eyes to stay open to gauge Naruto's reaction once more. 

That seemed to bring Naruto back to reality. Sasuke watched the anger bleed back into the blond's features as he shoved off the door and walked past them. Sasuke felt a convoluted sense of satisfaction when the door to Naruto's room slammed shut. Neji pulled back from the kiss and panted against Sasuke's shoulder, seemingly unaware of Naruto & Sasuke's interaction. He knew better than to think that Neji was that oblivious though.

"How long has he been here?" He saw no point in lying, so he just answered truthfully. 

"A while." He shrugged as he got off of Neji's lap. 

"Oh, I didn't know you were an exhibitionist." The smile, evident in Neji's voice. Sasuke shoved his toes into Neji's side before getting up as gracefully as he could manage. 

"Shut up; I'm going to shower."

"Can I join you?" He hesitated for a moment, but he already knew the answer. He'd already been caught, so why not do it again? 

He smirked seductively at Neji. 

"Sure, let's go."

It still has not occurred to him how severely he just fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Let’s just hope the smut wasn’t as cringey to read as it was to write it.


	5. Hurricane's Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke goes home. 
> 
> He regrets it.
> 
> **please be advised, abuse (physical and emotional/verbal) is lightly mentioned in the last section of this chapter but it is not expanded upon. I do not think I will be addressing it in greater detail in any of my future chapters, but if I do I will give a more extensive warning than this one.  
> **  
>  also Sasuke has a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like the eye of the hurricane, you are presented with the illusion that things are fine and it can’t possibly get worse... but then it does. It does and you should’ve expected it...
> 
> Also TEAM TAKA
> 
> I am apologizing in advance for this chapter

Seeing his friends made him realize how much he'd missed them. It also made him realize how deep of a depressive hole he'd dug himself into the past few weeks. No wonder Naruto had begged him to go out on Friday. He grimaced at the mention of the blond's name. Ever since Sunday, things have been a shit show. In fact, Sunday was the last time that he'd seen Naruto. He doesn't even know if the blond is already in Konoha, and he's a bit too scared to ask their mutuals. Maybe he should check the group—

"Siugetsu, I swear to god if you kick me one more time, you will end up on the fucking floor." 

"It's 'cause you're fucking sprawled out in the middle, how about you be a little more considerate before _you_ end up on the floor." He fucking hated Suigetsu sometimes, out of all the empty spots in Karin's bedroom, he just _had to_ lay in bed next to Sasuke.

"I was here first; you could've gone anywhere else."

"Well, the bed's not yours-"

"You're right, it's mine, so shut the fuck up, or you both get off it." Sasuke glared at Suigetsu but shimmied to the left side of the bed, giving the other boy ample room to lay down without touching him. Sometimes, Suigetsu behaved so much like Naruto. Sasuke closed his eyes and sighed. All of a sudden, he was hit with this overwhelming urge to cry. 

"Sasuke, are you alright?" Jugo. He was always so silent that Sasuke sometimes forgot he was there. He tried to answer, but a wet sob was the only thing he let out. 

Karin was over him in an instant. It felt good to be held. Something about Karin's hugs always reminded him of his mother; they were warm, comforting, and filled with so much love. It's like when they hugged you; you felt all of the emotions radiating off of their being. That feeling in itself was simply indescribable. So he cried and cried. He cried while she stroked his back and cried as Jugo and Suigetsu watched from their respective places. He hated crying, hated it so much, but it wasn't as painful when you were crying in the arms of someone who loved you. 

He pulled back and grimaced at the wet patch on Karin's blouse. He knew she loved this damn shirt, so to allow him to get it wet with his _tears_ , was a pretty big deal. He was too embarrassed to glance at Jugo or Suigetsu, so he kept his eyes down, glaring at his fingers. 

"Sorry" 

"Don't be silly Sas, do you wanna talk about it?" He was picking at the lint on his sweatpants, just to do something with his hands and all the nervous energy. 

"It's Naruto."

"Again?"

"Suigetsu shut up." It was both Karin and Jugo who said it. That earned a snort from Sasuke. Karin was always hostile, but it was rare to see Jugo scold anyone. 

The gentle, more motherly tone was back in Karin's voice when she spoke again. "What did my idiot cousin do this time?" She reached for his arm, but he didn't want to be touched anymore; he moved away slightly, and thankfully, she took the hint. It was time to start talking.

"I dunno, it's probably my fault." 

"Tell us the story; we'll be the judge of who's "fault" it was." Sasuke took a deep breath. He was just going to tell the entire thing in one go. If he takes a break, he won't be able to finish.

"Friday night, he basically yanked me out the club because I was gonna fuck Neji. Then he kissed me when we got home. The day after, Saturday night, I was in a bad place...so I kinda asked him to do it again BUT he said no and that the kiss the previous night was a _mistake_." He had to take a breather, it's like he was feeling all the emotions from that night once more. "Then the next morning, he tries to talk to me, but I shove him out my way because FUCK HIM! Later on, Neji comes over, and he basically tells me that Naruto and Hinata are fucking, so I might've fucked Neji on the couch... and Naruto caught us." 

"Woah…" Siugetsu's mouth was almost to the floor. Jugo was staring at his lap with wide eyes, and Karin was visibly confused. She was most likely trying to make sense out of all the information Sasuke just spewed. 

"What do you mean you might've fucked him Sasuke? Did y'all have sex or not?" Of course that's what Karin wanted him to elaborate on.

"We did… and Naruto kind of watched."

"What the fuck? He watched!? Why the hell did he watch?" _Gee Suigetsu, I don't fucking know, probably because I kept moaning his fucking name_. Another grimace, he wouldn't be sharing that tonight though. He just shrugged, hoping that someone would ask another question.

"Why did you do it?" Jugo was kind of struggling to get the words out. Poor baby, the topic must make him a little uncomfortable. Sasuke smiled gently at him.

"Honestly, I don't know… today's Wednesday," Jugo glanced at the date on his phone and nodded. "Well... all of this happened on Sunday. I've spent the last few days thinking about why I did it; to be honest, I don't even like Neji. It was a drunken offer on Friday, but on Sunday, he was there, and Naruto was not. I was so angry at Naruto for wanting Hinata and not wanting me, so I did the one thing that I knew would piss Naruto off… I fucked him." There was no better way to explain it, no way to make what he did seem less vile because this was the truth. 

Karin made a sound of disapproval, but Jugo was the one that spoke.

"Was it like, worth it?"

"Kind of, but not really, you know… there was the satisfaction of being able to hurt Naruto's feelings the way he hurt mine. The sex was great too, but I haven't seen Naruto since Sunday." 

"That's because he left Monday morning." He heard the edge in Karin's voice but decided to ignore it. Who fucking cares if she's mad at him on behalf of her stupid fucking cousin. 

He still needed to know if he was the reason that the blond left.

"Was he always gonna leave that early?" _Way to phrase it, Sasuke_. 

"I know what you're really asking, so I'll just answer it instead. No, he was supposed to go home on Friday. Actually, he was telling me that he's still gonna ask you to take the drive down with him. All of a sudden, I get a text from a very distraught Naruto telling me that he can't stay in the apartment anymore; he feels like he's gonna go insane, so he's heading home early. At first, I thought he was being dramatic, but then you tell me this, and it all kind of makes sense to be honest." She wasn't even trying to conceal the judgment in her voice anymore. Sasuke was in a limbo between sadness and hurt. The rest of their friends watched silently as the tension rose between them. As he blinked the tears from his eyes, that sadness was replaced with anger. 

"How fucking rich Karin. What? Are you expecting me to feel fucking guilty? He started it; now he knows what it feels like."

"You know that's not the same Sasuke, what you did was worse, you fucked his girlfriend's cousin!" 

"The same girlfriend that he cheated on when he kissed me on Friday? Then turned around and called that same kiss a "mistake" on Saturday? He saw me on the couch, FUCKING CRYING. And what did he do? He fucking comforted me just to step all over my fucking heart again. Within the same hour!" Karin's eyes widened at the new information. 

"Sas I'm -"

"Ironic really, how you're doing the exact same thing; it might just run in the family."

"Sasuke I didn't-" She tries to reach for him, but he doesn't want her fucking comfort. He slides off the bed instead. 

"No, I don't really want to hear it Karin. You've clearly had your bais before this conversation even began. Thank you for letting me come over, but I have to go pack now." He didn't spare anyone in the room a second glance before storming out.

He fucking did it again, he let another member of that family screw with him. He's almost disappointed in Karin, she knew Sasuke longer. She knew him _better_ than she knew Naruto, so watching her blindly take Naruto's side hurt. It's almost as if the bond they've cultivated for so long meant nothing when it came to family, and that hurts. It really hurts, because he thought he was family too… because she's family to him. He lets out a bitter chuckle as the first droplet of water hits his skin, and the tears trickled down his cheeks. 

Sasuke was fucking tired of crying.

He was also fucking tired of the rain. 

* * *

He wasn't ready to think about everything that Karin said, so he simply wouldn't. He went straight to bed when he got back to his apartment, and now he's frantically shuffling around the room, trying to find a specific sweater that he simply wouldn't travel without. 

It was around two o'clock when he decides to give up on his search and just wear whatever fucking sweater he had on hand. Turns out, he only owned one... but he did find a hoodie; soft, black, and oversized. There was some writing on it, but he didn't care to check. If it was in his closet, he obviously liked it. He's wasted enough time; if he wanted to make his flight, he'd have to leave right now. 

About ten minutes into his flight, the excitement had worn off. Yes, he missed his brother and couldn't wait to see him, but... he would also be back home with his father. He was not looking forward to that in particular. He really should just stay with Itachi, it wasn't too late yet.

* * *

Half an hour later, he's in Konoha, wrapped in his elder brother's arms.

"I've missed you Sas." He was trying hard to hold back the tears, it's like anything could trigger them, and he'd go into a frenzied crying mode. He just tightened his hands around Itachi's middle and nodded furiously. Hopefully, that got his message across because if he opened his mouth, the only thing he'd be letting out is a sob. Itachi pulled back and looked over him meticulously, but said nothing. Instead, he picked Sasuke's duffle bag off the floor and practically dragged him to the Toyota Camry.

It wasn't till they arrived in the driveway that he realized where Itachi had brought him. He shifted nervously in his seat and stilled when Itachi put a hand over his thigh. 

"I thought you wanted to come here?" He nodded his head in confirmation. Him wanting to be there and him actually being there were two very different things. 

"Ah… I-" He sighed and took a deep breath. "I did, I guess I'm just a little nervous?" He tried to smile, but it wavered and his throat is closing up. Why couldn't he breathe? His eyes widen in horror as he tries to take a few hurried breaths. He's struggling to stay focused on what Itachi's saying. The words are a bit fuzzy like there's cotton in his ears. He doesn't want to be here. He squeezed his eyes shut and balled his fists. No, no, please, not right now. 

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop-"

"Sasuke" His eyes shot open as he frantically took in his surroundings. That's right; he wasn't in his bedroom or in his father's study. His breathing slowed, but it wasn't back to normal because he was still here. He was still in _their parent's_ driveway. 

"Do you remember what I taught you?" He nodded. Though he remembers it, he doesn't practice doing it. He hates breathing exercises, once Itachi wasn't there, the only purpose they served was to further stress him out. Itachi's voice was what did the soothing, not the actual exercise.

"Close your eyes and think of a safe space." He really didn't need to, he was in a safe space right now.

"Okay, deep breath in for three seconds" Three seconds was marginally longer when you were breathing in. 

"Hold it for one" How does anyone do this without feeling like they're suffocating?

"Through your mouth for two." Thank god. 

"Again" 

Itachi took him through the exercise until he could breathe normally; until he didn't flinch when slender fingers ran through his hair; until he felt confident that he wouldn't cry. 

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with a gentle smile, and all of the pain that he had been feeling for the last couple of days was no longer important. He wraps his arms around his brother's neck and lets out a wobbly sigh. Whenever he was with Itachi, he felt like a 6-year-old again. He doesn't comprehend how one person can make him feel so safe, _so loved_.

"Are you having them more frequently?" He's almost embarrassed to admit how many panic attacks he's had just this month. 

"Yes." He averts his gaze. He knows that Itachi won't be disappointed in him, but he can't help feeling like a disappointment. Itachi just keeps stroking his hair. 

"How frequent?" He tries to run a hand over his face, but Itachi's is in the way, so he just sighs and instead, plays with the fraying seams on his sweatpants. 

"I had one last night?" He doesn't like the tilt in his voice towards the end of his statement. Itachi just hums in understanding and keeps stroking his hair. 

"And before that?"

"The day before that.." Itachi's fingers stilled in Sasuke's hair. 

"Were you anxious about coming here?" Yes, that, and there's also the fact that he might've destroyed his friendship with Naruto. He doesn't think he can end things on such an awful note, but after hearing that Naruto left on Monday just to get away _from him_. It really hurt. He feels like such a fucking idiot. It's all his fault, he's such an-

"Sasuke, breathe," a finger gently brushed away his tears. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me right now… we can address it when you're ready." He shook his head. He wanted Itach to know what was happening, but every time he opened his mouth... a sob racked his frame. 

"I- it's just- I just-" fuck, he's making absolutely no sense with the way he's started hyperventilating. Right now is really not ideal for another mental breakdown. God alone knows how Itachi can tolerate this. 

Fingers were back into his hair, keeping him tethered to reality. Reminding him that right here and right now, he was safe. He took a steadying breath.

"I just messed up really badly Itachi, but it's like… it's his fault too! Then coming back home today and everything's just stressing me out, and I hate being this stressed out!" He hadn't realized he was screaming until he saw the slight widening of Itachi's eyes. He's sure his brother had tried to hide it, but Sasuke's behavior must seem worrisome. 

"Oh… I assumed you'd fixed things with Naruto" Sasuke looked at him in confusion.

"Why is that?" 

"Because you're wearing his clothes." What? He quickly glanced down but found nothing that would have Itachi guessing that. Now is really not the time for Itachi's stupid jokes. He glares at him.

"No, I'm not." The elder Uchiha just smiles and points to the sleeves of the sweater. 

"Twist it around a bit" He does it begrudgingly and groans when he spots the little whirlwinds. They were embroidered into the sleeves of the hoodie. It was black on top of black, so they were kind of hard to see. He remembers the day he borrowed this hoodie from Naruto; all of his were in the washer, and he'd begged Naruto for this specific one because it was the only non-graphic one he had in his closet. Well, at least he thought so until he was walking around with a gigantic UZUMAKI on his ba-

"Oh fuck me." He quickly glanced past Itachi and scoured Naruto's driveway, and of course, the blond's stupid Impala was parked in the driveway. Sasuke has never been a man of luck, but today it seemed that life was only working against him. Not only was Naruto home, but he was also outside "tending" their garden! Spring has barely even sprung, so what the fuck is he even planting. Of course, he said that out loud, so now Itachi is listing off all of the flowers he could be planting right now. Sasuke groans loudly in frustration, and Itachi just laughs at his misfortune.

A soft knock on the window brings them both back to reality. He was expecting his mom, but his eyes widen when a tuft of blond hair greets them. Itachi lower's the window and initiates the conversation. 

"Mayor Namikaze, it's nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you, both of you… especially you Sasuke." He genuinely smiles at the Namikaze, it wasn't so hard to do since Sasuke already really liked him. He was kind enough and easy to talk to. 

"It's nice to see you as well. Are you going to see my father?" 

"No, your mom! She invited us to dinner since both of the boys are back home, but I have to get back to my wife now, I'll see you boys tomorrow."

He waited till Itachi rolled up his window to scream. 

The elder Uchiha tried to distract himself by adjusting his tie, but he was softly chucking the entire time. Not even being a psychologist made Itachi less of a nuisance. 

* * *

She didn't even let him pull off his shoes. 

"MY BABY!" He was suffocating, but he'd let her have this one. He only grunted a little when her arms tightened around his waist. 

"I thought I was your baby." Itachi was actually glowering, a grown-ass man. She huffed and pulled away. 

"You are about to have your own baby, you can't possibly be jealous of Sasuke." It was Sasuke's turn to glower; he couldn't believe Itachi was about to _replace him_.

Both heads turned towards him, and Itachi's face softened. The slightly taller man pulled Sasuke to his chest and kissed his hair. "I will never replace you, don't be silly." He groaned in embarrassment. He really needs to be more aware of what he lets slip; he can't let Itachi have this much leverage. A throat clearing had the boys pulling apart. 

"Are you not going to greet your father." He saw the way Itachi visibly tensed; it seems that Itachi was still struggling with it as well. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably, and willed himself to speak; yet when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He knew he'd already messed up. His father reached out to touch him, but it was Itachi's hand he felt on his elbow, pulling him away. 

"Don't be silly Itachi; I just want to touch him." The younger of the two didn't budge; he just tightened his fingers around Sasuke's arm. It was beginning to hurt. 

"We know how you 'touching him' always ends, father."

"He simply needs to learn some manners. I roughed you up a couple of times as well, and look at you now. A psychologist with a wife and a kid on the way."

Itachi was laughing; hysterically. Itachi didn't laugh, not like this, not this loud. His fingers were still digging into the flesh of Sasuke's arms, even as his body shook with mirth. Itachi straightened after a few seconds, and Sasuke was glad that this hostility wasn't directed at him.

"Father, please, do not for one second think that you were any form of guidance in my life. All you've ever been was a hindrance… your presence was a burden, actually." 

Fugaku took two steps towards them. 

"You will not speak to me like that in my house. Do you forget who I am?" 

Itachi smiled, "Hiding behind your badge just like the coward that you are? That's what you've always been to me, what you'll always be to me."

"Itachi, stop it, please!" He's not the one that has to sleep here with Fugaku tonight, Sasuke is. He knows that Itachi means no harm, but when he leaves, Sasuke has to face the abuse alone. Their father rarely gets physical, but he doesn't want tonight to be one of those rare nights. Besides, the words hurt more than the beatings ever could.

"Oh, look Mikoto, the boy can speak." All of a sudden, Sasuke remembers why he resents his mother. She doesn't even glance at them as she makes her way to the kitchen. She just mentions that the chicken might be burning and walks past them. She's always been like this; she always does this. She just pretends that it isn't happening, that just because he's not a drunk and doesn't beat them bloody, that he isn't a fucking horrible person. Sasuke lets out a bitter chuckle. He can't even remember why the hell he came back here.

Itachi's eyes are back on him, angry. "This is why I told you to come to my apartment." Fugaku just scoffs and walks past them.

One day down, six more to go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know if Mikoto is necessarily a bad person, I will let you guys decide. All I can say is that she believes that if a child does something that is deemed “wrong” they should be punished for it. But she left the punishing to their father, because that’s who should be doing the discipline.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter even a tiny bit!


	6. From the Dining Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what can be said? dinner, arguments, and a shit load of bad decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! Chapter 6!!! This is a little milestone for me because if you read the previous version then you know that Chapter 6 is where it ended. [This version is far from finished.]
> 
> A very big thank you to uchihanaruto_2, ghostoflove and fairy_blooms. Y’all put up with all of my silly rants and encourage me to become a better writer. 
> 
> A huge thanks to everyone who’s reading and to those of you who have been here from the very first version. I tried to do something a little special with this chapter, I hope you enjoy!!

He should've left with Itachi, yet here he is… gazing at the all too familiar ceiling. The house is quiet, more tranquil than it was when he was younger. It's probably because it's almost midnight, so his parents are asleep. For the first time since he'd stepped back in Konoha, Sasuke was alone. He didn't like being alone, it made him think about silly things. Like the conversation turned argument he had with Karin last night. 

He slips off of the bed and drags his beanbag to the front of his window. (The one that was facing their backyard and not Naruto's house. He'd look out that window later. By then, he'd be ready to acknowledge why he stayed in his childhood home, despite Itachi begging him not to.) He sighs loudly as he sinks into the giant cushion, finally allowing himself to think. Despite how much he hated it here, his childhood home did provide him with a sense of clarity that he wouldn't have, had he been anywhere else. Itachi would coddle him too much, here he was mostly left alone; unless his father was feeling particularly pissy or had too much free time. The apartment back in the city was too stuffy, it  _ smelled _ like Naruto. How could he accurately assess the situation when he was cocooned continuously in the blond's alluring scent? It was impossible to think straight, impossible not to want, impossible not to yearn, and yearning made him do stupid things. It made his brain throw rational solutions out of the window and chant "Naruto, Naruto, Naruto." He snorts at the thought, almost a week later, and he's still so fucking pathetic. 

Karin's words are replaying in his mind once more, and this time he acknowledges it. She's right, it was worse, but that shouldn't matter to Naruto. Sasuke was single, he should be allowed to live his life how he sees fit. Yet he knows that the thought is bullshit because the only reason he fucked Neji was to get a rise out of Naruto. He needed to know that the blond still wanted him, despite the fact he wouldn't kiss him the night before. He needed to know that he still had this leverage, the same hold that Naruto had on him. He wanted to know if Naruto would feel the same level of hurt that Sasuke was feeling, the same entitlement. The need to own something that doesn't belong to you; because Naruto didn't belong to him. He didn't belong to Naruto either, but that didn't stop him from feeling such intense betrayal. How could Naruto kiss him and then turn around and fuck her? Why wouldn't he just end it so they could be together? He thought that Naruto would've at least seen the signs by now, but he's still as dense as ever. Still as stupid as ever, but Sasuke's stupid too. Why the fuck would he think that fucking Neji would fix anything? He wished he could've gone back to that day and stopped it from happening. Stopped himself from making a decision that would complicate things to a point where Naruto can't even stand to be around him. Fuck.

A light in his peripheral has him angling his body to face the side window.  _ Naruto _ . Sasuke hadn't expected him to sleep in that room tonight. He'd switched rooms when they were seniors in high school to sneak people in without Sasuke or his parents noticing. Guess he wouldn't have to do that anymore. 

He tries to stop himself from moving toward the window, but he misses Naruto so much that he just needs to see the blond up close. Right now, Naruto was putting some new sheets on his bed and struggling with the corners of the fitted sheet. Sasuke snorted, Naruto's so fucking dumb. 

Yet, there was something sensual about watching Naruto perform these mundane tasks, where he was more silent than usual. Just nodding his head to whatever the hell he was listening to and cleaning his room before he went to sleep. This must be his first night back in this room; Sasuke doesn't let himself hope or read between the lines. It was merely a coincidence; it has nothing to do with him.

Sitting here reminds him of all the times he'd done this when he was younger; after their 'play dates.' Their parents would go to dinner together and force Itachi to babysit them. He and Naruto would sit in their makeshift fort for hours, insulting each other or even fighting until Itachi pulled them apart. He'd storm off to his room as soon as his parents got home and glared at Naruto through the window until he was sleepy. He chuckles, little Sasuke was relentless; yet look at him now, madly in love with that same fucking idiot. 

He sighs and slowly raises himself off the floor, that's enough thinking for tonight. He's going to bed.

* * *

It's about one p.m. the next day when his mother finally approaches him. He'd been sitting at his desk, busying himself with a book, when her fingers gently carded through his hair. She spoke before he had a chance to acknowledge her presence. 

"Do you hate me, baby?" Does he? No, not really. He says just that. She spins him around in his chair and awkwardly wraps her arms around his middle, kneeling on the floor and placing her head on his chest. 

"You know it does hurt me when he reacts like that. I don't want him to yell at you. I don't want him to touch you."  _ So why don't you say anything? Why don't you do anything? _ This time, he doesn't reply, he just waits for her to continue. "Seeing Itachi defend you like that made me so proud. He's doing what I could never do. What I  _ can  _ never do."  _ You're basically admitting that you won't stop him. _ He scoffs. He doesn't want to argue with his mother, but she's beginning to annoy him. 

"So are just going to let him do it then? Is that what you came here to tell me?" She pulled away from him and fiddled with her fingers in her lap.

"I- Sas, it's not that-" she heaved a wobbly breath. "He doesn't hate you though."

"How do you know that? Plus, this isn't really about him, is it? It's about you and me, so tell me, mother, do you really love me?"

"What!?" Mikoto dared to sound incredulous. 

"Mom, just answer the question." 

"Why would you ever assume that I don't? You're my baby Sasuke." 

"So why do you let him treat me like that?" She reached a hand towards him, but he moved away; just like Karin, she can't be trusted. 

"Please do not hate me for allowing him to discipline you."

"Discipline, mother? Screaming at me and hitting me is discipline? How cruel." She sighed and got to her feet, running a hand through his hair and kissing his forehead despite his silent protest.

"Maybe one day you'll see things the way I did, but please do not for one second accuse me of not loving you. I loved both of my boys, but god knows I really love you, and I tried to stop him from hitting you." She moved towards the door and stopped in the doorway before addressing him once more. 

"We have dinner with Kushina and her family later, it's at 7 so please make an effort to come down, Itachi and his wife will also be here. I love you baby." 

He threw himself onto his bed after she softly closed his door.  _ Dinner.  _ He'd almost forgotten about that. Idly, he wonders if Naruto's parents are going to force the blond to come. Sasuke misses his face; he wants to breathe the same air as Naruto once more. 

* * *

"SAAASSUUUKKEEEE" He blinked, and she was wrapped around him, embracing him as tightly as her protruding stomach would allow. 

"Dei, I told you not to just barge in he's probably asleep" Itachi looked towards the corner of the room where Sasuke's life was being squeezed out of him and snorted "Well, I guess he's not." Instead of helping him, he walked over to him and ruffled his hair. 

"Hello, little brother, how'd you sleep?" He knew what Itachi was really asking, so he answered that instead. 

"No, I will not be leaving with you tonight… I told you I'm fine, I can take care of myself." Deidara pulled away and glowered. 

"Not even for me? Sasuke, your sister is pregnant!" He smiled widely. 

"How far along are you, by the way? You look ready to pop, so how do you have this much energy?" 

"Only 29 weeks. I can still function." He saw the way Itachi rolled his eyes, and Sasuke had to bite his lip to stifle his laughter. Making regular Deidara angry was hell, but pregnant Dei? He'd not live to tell the story. Instead, he smiled at her and ran his hand through her messy hair. 

"Did you not have time to comb it before y'all left the apartment?" She threw a punch at him, and honestly, he deserved it. Itachi was chuckling as Sasuke clutched his stomach. 

"You deserved that" 

"Shut the fuck up 'Tachi." He could barely grit the words out through his pain.

"No cursing in front of the baby, un!" He moved away from her hand, but she gently pulled him back and placed his hand over her protruding stomach. 

"Wow." All of his pain just melted away. 

Have you ever felt a baby kicking? It's another one of those things that Sasuke simply can't explain. That's a  _ new life _ , and Deidara is carrying it. His eyes widened in awe as Deidara's fingers came up to stroke his face. A stark contrast to her hostility a few minutes prior. How she could smile through a baby kicking the shit out of her insides, was a mystery to him.

"He's already so excited to meet Uncle Sasuke!" The words melted his heart. Soon, there'll be another member of this family to spoil with love. In the back of his mind, he hopes that Itachi doesn't let his nephew stay the night with their parents, but Mikoto doesn't deserve such cruelty. Ultimately, this is not his decision to make, so he smiled softly at her until Itachi joined them once more and squeezed them both to his side.

"My three most important people, all here with me." Sasuke pretended not to feel the tears wetting his hair. 

* * *

Three minutes, in Fugaku's defense, that is a personal record. It took him three minutes to shift the mood in the dining area to awkward and unpleasant. 

"Namikaze" 

"Fugaku," Sasuke watched as his father grimaced from his end of the table.

"I see you've been trying to defund the police." 

Minato smirked.

"Such a huge budget is a waste of city funds. I can think of a few other things we could be using that money for, that would be far more beneficial to the people of Konoha as a whole." 

"How do you suppose we keep the city safe if you take the money away from us?"

"Y'all barely do your jobs anyway. It would hardly make a difference." Sasuke tried his hardest to hold back a snort, and instead chewed on the grape tomato. 

"Minato," Kushina interjected.

"Leave him Kushina. The Mayor and I are simply having a cordial conversation. Minato, how do you suppose you'd pay the employees if you were to take our funds?"

"That is not how that works. Leave it to you Fugaku, to not understand how you get paid. Plus you live next to the Mayor, I'm sure you've saved up enough for a comfy retirement if you were to leave the force before the new plans roll out,  _ Chief _ ." This time Sasuke did snort; his father did not appreciate the further ridicule. Hard eyes were on him in an instant. 

"Do you have something to say, boy?" Itachi didn't even let him attempt a response before he was berating their father once more.

"You've been picking fights the entire dinner father. Can you at least be pleasant toward our guests? For someone who prattles so much about etiquette, you are surely behaving quite tactless." Sasuke lowered his head with a slight smile.

"Moving out and getting married has made you brave." Fugaku wasn't graced with a response. 

Mikoto decided that it was her turn to smooth things out, while everyone, except Naruto and Sasuke, glared at Fugaku.

"So!" she clapped her hands together, drawing all eyes to her. "Naruto!" Dread consumed the youngest Uchiha's being, he knew what she was about to say. "Sasuke told me that you have a girlfriend." He let out a few mumbled curses when Itachi and the blond in question looked at him. 

Naruto never stopped staring, even as he cleared his throat to answer Mikoto, who was situated to his left. He just kept staring forward, boring holes into Sasuke. 

"Uh… had" Sasuke's eyes widened, and he tried not to choke on the tomato he'd just shoved in his mouth. The reaction seemed to satisfy Naruto because only then did he turn toward Mikoto with something akin to a sad yet satisfied smile. Sasuke glared at him. What the hell is there to be sad about? He ignored the questioning glance that Itachi sent his way, the psychologist can analyze him later; right now, he was busy being unreasonably angry at Naruto. 

Kushina's head whipped towards Naruto, placing a hand on his shoulder to bring his attention back to her. "What do you mean 'had'? When were you going to tell us." Naruto ran his fingers through his hair and sighed in frustration.

"I wasn't." The edge in Naruto's voice spoke of finality, but when has that ever stopped Kushina from being invasive? He just hoped that she wouldn't find a way to insert him into this conversation. Kushina faced forward and angled her neck slightly towards him... too late. 

"Sasuke, were you aware of this?" No, he wasn't. This was news to him as well, but even if he were, how is that important to the conversation at hand? He didn't get the chance to redeem himself, Naruto had done it for him. It was becoming frustrating having people speak on his behalf, he hadn't said one word all dinner. 

"No, he didn't." The venom in Naruto's voice was palpable, Sasuke's food was suddenly fifteen times more interesting than this conversation. He refused to take part in it. (Well that decision had already been made for him since they wouldn't fucking let him speak.) 

"When?" Why were Kushina and Naruto still staring at him? Couldn't they look at each other? Something about the way Naruto was staring at him changed, it was smoldering, but in all the wrong ways. He wanted to feel these eyes on him, but not like this, not with him being scared to look into them, but alas, reality was cruel. 

"On Sunday." He hadn't realized that his fork was slipping until the metal clinked against the porcelain plate, and all eyes were on him. He was too shocked to be embarrassed, his mind wouldn't shut up. It just provided question after question, and he needed to know. He needed to speak to Naruto. 

"Sasuke, baby, are you alright?" His mother's gentle voice could always soothe him. He picked his fork up with shaky fingers and leaned into the hand that Itachi placed on his shoulder.

"Um… ah, yeah" He looked up, and when their eyes met, he could see the red hot anger and a little bit of something else swirling behind those blue, blue eyes. Itachi cleared his throat. 

"Well, this is a disaster."

"Itachi!" The Uchiha snorted.

"What mother? I'm simply telling the truth… it would've been unlike us if this night were to go smoothly."

Sasuke cleared his throat and looked down. He needed to speak to the blond tonight. 

* * *

"Naruto." He leaned against the wall as the blond exited the bathroom. He didn't allow himself to think about how creepy he must look just waiting on Naruto to reappear. The blond hasn't spoken one word to Sasuke all night, but he glared at him throughout the entirety of their dinner. They need to talk, at least for a little bit. 

It seems the blond didn't share the sentiments because he walked right past Sasuke. 

"Oh, now you can't look at me? But you had no problem spending the entirety of dinner staring me down." Still nothing. 

He'd almost forgotten how dramatic Naruto could be at times. He grabbed hold of the blond's wrist before he made it out of the secluded hallway. Naruto just yanked his arm away and kept moving. Sasuke's patience was running thin. 

"Can you for five seconds stop behaving like a prepubescent teenage boy and just fucking talk to me!" He seemed to have struck a nerve. Naruto turned towards him and spoke slowly, slower than Sasuke was used to and honestly… it was just as hot as it was scary.

"What do you want from me Sasuke?" Sasuke closed his eyes and sighed. He needed his brain to remember why he was addressing Naruto in the first place. 

"Can we talk? Please?" He wasn't much of a beggar, and Naruto knew this, so why was the blond being so difficult?

"Talk? Is Neji not available to lend you an ear today?" He balled his fists, Naruto made it so easy to want to punch him. The blond smiled. 

"Can you stop being a dick and just let me explain?"

"Which part exactly would you like to explain? Why you chose the couch or the reason you were-"

"Naruto, we're about to leave are you staying-" Kushina could almost taste the animosity between them. She smiled wearily. "Oh, I didn't know you were busy, just come home whenever then. I'm sure you have your keys."

"That won't be necessary I can come right no-"

"Thank you, Ms. Uzumaki, but we were just about to move this discussion to my room. He'll be fine." She glanced curiously between the boys but decided to stay out of their business this time. She'll most likely just force it out of Naruto when he gets home. The blond was glaring at him the entire time, but he couldn't care less. He just waved his goodbye to Kushina and dragged Naruto up the stairs with him. 

His back hit the door as soon as he closed it, his eyes widening at Naruto's proximity. He shoved at him weakly. "Back up Naruto."

"No, you wanted to talk, so let's." Naruto took two steps back and glared at Sasuke as he stood unmoving, against the door. Sasuke sighed; if Naruto wasn't going to be the least bit cordial, why should he? 

"Why'd y'all break up." Naruto chuckled bitterly. 

"That's a stupid question Sasuke, you know it's because of you. My turn." What? He wasn't even done yet. 

"Why him and why the couch of all places? You had to know that I'd walk in on you" He doesn't want to answer this, nor does he want to relive that shitty afternoon. He grimaces and stares out of his window into Naruto's room. After a few seconds, Naruto gives up. He grabs the bean bag, dragging it toward the window that faces his house and plops down onto it. He runs his fingers through his hair and when he speaks again, his voice is a lot gentler.

"You know Sas, I miss the old us… the us before I kissed you that Friday, but even then, we were already cracking huh?" He lets out a humorless chuckle. "I guess I miss the us before Hinata… I miss being able to talk to you Sas, and just enjoy being around you. We'll never go back to that ya know?" 

Sasuke hadn't realized what he was doing until he sank to the floor next to the bean bag and placed his face on Naruto's thighs. The alarms in his head are ringing. Being this close to Naruto is stupid, especially when there's still so much to talk about. "No, but do you really want to go back to that?" He sat up and looked Naruto in the eyes. So blue, he felt like he could drown in them. 

"No." Naruto laughed, "after Friday, I don't think I can look at you as just a friend ever again."

Sasuke smiled, "Welcome to my world."

This is stupid, there's still so much to talk about. There's still so much anger and hurt that they haven't even begun to dissect. Yet underneath all that, there's so much love; he closed his eyes and just lets himself feel. He felt as Naruto's fingers gently carded through his hair, felt as Naruto's mouth closed around the soft skin on his throat. Felt as the blond tightened his grip on Sasuke's hair and slotted their lips together. It was fucking exhilarating, so wrong, but  _ god _ did it feel right as he stood and drew the blond up with him, stripping down to his boxers and falling to his knees, taking Naruto's pants with him. 

His mouth watered as he slid his fingers along Naruto's thighs, gently tugging his boxers down and freeing his erection from its confines. Naruto's eyes are on him, and the heat he felt at the dinner table is minuscule in comparison. The dinner table was anger, this is lust. They locked eyes as Sasuke swirled his tongue around the length, slowly acclimating his throat to Naruto's girth. 

His eyes roll back as Naruto grunts, tightening his fingers in Sasuke's hair as he allows himself to get lost in Sasuke. The raven groans in approval when Naruto takes control and uses Sasuke's mouth until his jaw is aching. Until he's positive that his knees are bruised and breathing through his nose is burning his chest. He pulls back and tries to regain control of his senses as his eyes water, and his throat burns with his coughs. 

He's thrown onto the bed and Naruto's rummaging through the side table that he pointed at, indicating where the lube and condoms are. He won't admit that he brought them with him for this sole purpose. A fantasy he wasn't even sure that he'd get to experience. 

When the first finger slips into him, he loses his train of thought, and by the third, he can't remember why he shouldn't be screaming. Naruto flips him over, and a hand covers his mouth as the blond sheaths into him. His eyes roll back, and he tries not to move too quickly, Naruto's big, a lot bigger than Neji. He squeezes his eyes shut and just breathes, focusing on not clenching too hard and making it unpleasant for both of them. It's easier to forget when the hand over Sasuke's mouth is replaced with Naruto's tongue intertwining with his. 

He digs his heels into Naruto's back, silently urging him to start moving, the blond wastes no time complying. It's beautiful, euphoric, and everything Sasuke needs to forget what's going on in his mind. He doesn't allow himself to dwell on why having sex with Naruto will only further complicate things. He just takes it and relishes in the way that Naruto pistons his hips, hitting that spot that has Sasuke seeing white and makes his vision blurry, even with his glasses on. 

He forces his eyes open, and he's almost embarrassed by the sound he makes when their eyes meet. He tries to turn his face away, but Naruto's hand on his chin brings it back. He leans forward and alternates between pressing kisses to Sasuke's temples and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. When Sasuke comes, it's to Naruto whispering how much he loves him, and even his blissed-out brain knows better than to believe it.

* * *

He hadn't even caught his breath yet, but Naruto had already begun redressing. He slipped off the bed and threw on some sweatpants and the t-shirt he was previously wearing. Naruto didn't even glance in his direction as he redressed. He stood next to the unopened door and grabbed Naruto's hand when he reached for the handle. 

"Are you just gonna leave?" He cringed internally at the sound of his voice; even though he is desperate, he doesn't have to sound it.

"Yeah, what else?" He couldn't decipher the look Naruto was giving him, yet he tightened his fingers around the blond's wrist. He doesn't want Naruto to leave, this is the only reason that Sasuke's in this stupid house anyway. 

"Can we at least talk about it?" Naruto scoffs but gently runs his fingers along the curve of Sasuke's jaw. 

"But we just did Sasuke." He shook his head frantically, he felt like he was drowning. His lungs were starting to burn, and he couldn't stop the tears from slipping down his cheeks.

"Naruto, that was just SEX!" 

"Sasuke, please let go." The words coming from Naruto's lips were harsh in comparison to the way he was gently stroking Sasuke's cheeks. 

He's so confused right now, he doesn't understand what's going on, but his body is still clinging to Naruto. He needs to breathe; this is what Karin meant. He can't fucking think when he's next to Naruto. This is so cruel,  _ Naruto's so cruel _ . It hurts how much he loves this asshole. 

"How can you be so cruel, Naruto?" A bitter chuckle slips past the blond's lips as he finally yanks his arm away from Sasuke's grasp.

"Let's be honest Sasuke, we both are." 

He doesn't have the energy to hold back his sobs after Naruto exits the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How’d y’all like the Sasuke ft ItaDei scene? I really love the pairing and the idea of fem!Deidara just excites me! 
> 
> Also I know I went against basically everyone’s wishes by keeping Sasuke home and I’m sorry, but it was just something that had to happen. Hopefully you were still able to enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Naruto.... that’s all imma say


	7. Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto talks about things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been looking at this for far too long, I just hope it’s decent.  
> Also I apologize for my absence, I hadn’t realized that it’s been this long, this chapter took way longer than necessary.  
> I’m sorry if I haven’t had a chance to reply to your comment, life has been hectic! But I want to thank you all for giving me feedback! I really do appreciate it!!

He’s the one who initiated it, so why does he feel so used? _Just sex_. He runs his shaky fingers through his hair one final time and forces himself to let go of the door handle. He should not be trying to console Sasuke right now, fuck Sasuke. He clearly doesn’t feel the same way. 

What the fuck did he think would happen when he let Sasuke lead him up here in the first place? He knows how muddled his brain gets when they’re too close, how _selfish_ he gets when it’s only them. All he wants to do is take, and stupidly enough, Sasuke lets him. He expected it to stop at just kissing, but in usual Sasuke and Naruto fashion, they took it too far. If he’d had a bit more restraint, maybe his heart would not be slowly ripping apart with every step he took. 

“Naruto have you seen Sas-” 

“HOLY FUCK” 

Itachi smiled, clearly amused by Naruto’s distress, but as he got closer to the blond, genuine worry etched his features. 

_Worry_. Naruto scoffs. That emotion mightn’t last too long when he finds the person he’s looking for, or perhaps, Sasuke is why he’s worried. How presumptuous of Naruto to assume that he warrants the raven’s concerns. 

He reeks of sex; it’s gross, Itachi’s close enough to smell it too. If he was less angry, he might be embarrassed by that thought. That scent is only a reminder of mistake number two and three and four, but he is getting ahead of himself. Right now, he has to bypass Itachi without getting strangled by the psychologist. Why was his luck so shitty today? Couldn’t it have been Dei looking for Sasuke instead? 

Itachi was never a man of many words, but he’d always been kind enough to Naruto. He was there for him when he came out, there for him when his mom forced him to go to therapy because he was “acting out.” Itachi’s been there for him through a lot of things, things he probably hasn’t even told Sasuke, but that is what comes with the line of work. He wants to talk to Itachi about it right now, but he’s scared because unlike what they’ve talked about previously, this is about Sasuke, Itachi’s most important person. He doesn’t know if he can sit on the stupid couch that he’d sat on -and cried on- so many times before and tell Sasuke’s older brother how badly he’s hurting. How badly he knows he’s hurt Sasuke. 

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he had almost forgotten he was still in their house with Itachi analyzing him. He’s about to walk away when a hand placed on his shoulder, impedes his movement. He sighs and averts his eyes, looking at Itachi right now was embarrassing him especially because Naruto knows what he’ll ask next.

“Are you alright, Naruto?” 

Itachi knows that he’s not, it’s a silly question, but he answers it with a shake of his head regardless. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He hesitates. Yes, he does, but he’s too scared to. He just stands there, unmoving, until Itachi speaks to him again.

“Alright, not right now I guess, _but_ feel free to reach out when you need it. Even if it is about _him_.” With that, Itachi stepped aside and made his way up the stairs. 

Naruto wonders if Itachi will feel the same way after seeing what the blond has done to his younger brother.

* * *

He doesn’t even get to take off his jacket. 

“Naruto, come here.”

Her voice is so pleasant. It irks him. She just wants to force information out of him, things that he’s not ready to share. Kushina doesn’t want to hear that though, she’s going to ask questions and expect answers. He toes off his shoes and takes a seat at the opposite end of the couch, where his father’s legs are stretched out as he sleeps. Kushina, seated at the opposite end, gently carding her fingers through Minato’s hair. You think she’d care enough to let him sleep, but she has never been someone with much patience. He’s honestly surprised she’s lasted this long. It’s most likely because he’s been with Sasuke for the past hour. Time flies when you’re talking about feelings and having sex. He grimaces at the reminder; he is so stupid.

Three minutes have passed, and she has done nothing but stare at him questioningly while playing with Minato’s hair. It’s starting to agitate him. He is tired, _and_ he still reeks of Sasuke; he wants to wash it off right now. Probably then it will be easier to breathe. 

“Naruto, where were you?” He’d have thought this was a joke had she not looked so concerned. 

“At Sasuke’s, you literally watched him drag me upstairs.” That was safe enough to share. 

“What’s going on with y’all?” 

Ah, and the probing begins. He doesn’t want to answer her, but if he’s vague enough, she might drop it. Plus, this conversation might lead to them discussing his sexuality, and to be honest, there is only so much he can take during a day. He’s been at his limit since they started discussing Hinata at dinner. He just wants to shower and sleep, but that seems unlikely for now and even more unlikely if he doesn’t tell Kushina what she wants to know. He sighs and responds before she asks something else, something more invasive than her previous inquiry. 

“He’s mad at me.”

“You’re the one who looked angry to me.” 

“We’re mad at each other.”

“Will you tell me why?” 

“Uh… it’s hard to explain, can we talk about something else?” 

Kushina stares at him skeptically but decides to drop it anyway. Her eyes are saying differently though; she’s going to come back to it tonight. That’s fine. Maybe by then, Naruto will have decided whether or not he would be discussing his sexuality with her again. Last time, she wasn’t all that receptive, he’s not even sure if she was listening to him. It’s what he gets for trying to bring it up at the height of campaign season. His parents barely had time to sleep; it’s no surprise they didn’t have time for him. He sighs and gestures for her to continue.

“What happened with Hinata?” 

“We broke up.”

“Yes, obviously, I found out at the dinner table… did you forget?”

“Yeah, all of you did.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her face was a mixture of hurt and anger. Honestly, that kind of annoys him, he’s not obligated to tell her what goes on in his daily life, he didn’t even want her to find out about Hinata like that. It only happened because Mikoto asked, and there was no use in telling a lie. 

“Hm… there wasn’t much to tell, plus something more important happened that day and I dunno it was just kind of a lot. Honestly, I’m just relieved I’m not with her anymore.”

“What else happened?”

“It’s… hard to explain.”

“Is that why you came home earlier?”

“Hinata? No. The other thing? Yes.”

“Did you not like her?”

“That’s not it… she’s smart, pretty, and she was super nice to me.” _But she wasn’t Sasuke._

“Yet you still broke up with her, so what was wrong?”

“There was someone else I liked more.”

“Sasuke”

He did not mean to wake his father up. He cleared his throat. Well, his mom _obviously_ knows. 

“Ah, sorry dad.” 

“I was mostly awake, so it is fine.” It was not fine; Naruto saw the shock on his father’s face when he accidentally hit him and the subtle glare when he came to his senses and realized nothing was wrong. He hid his amusement behind a cough; sometimes, his father was too nice. 

“So, it is Sasuke.”

He pulled his left leg to his chest and put his chin to his knee. Might as well get comfortable, Kushina is not done with this talk.

“Yeah?”

His mother shifted slightly, moving Minato with her. 

“So you’re okay with it then?” He hates the way his voice shakes as he asks that question. He’s told himself that he’s better than this, stronger than this. It shouldn’t bother him if his mom doesn’t care. Yet he still exhales in slight relief when she smiles at him and nods her head. 

“I mean, at first I thought it would impact Minato’s chances of getting in office because the people here are not that accepting. Which is why I didn’t say anything when you told me, I just didn’t know what I would do. So I just ignored it until I could process it better.” 

He almost wants to laugh at that response. He has to search hard to find the logic in the statement. Yes, leave it to Kushina to think that ignoring him would do more good than harm. He doesn’t even know what to say to them. 

The sincerity in her eyes lets him know that she’s being honest, but he's hurt. Yes, he’s relieved, but he is still so fucking hurt. The feelings from that day are starting to resurface. He doesn’t want to think about this anymore, so he nods his head in understanding. He understood. His father’s job came first, and his mom is right, Konoha’s not the most comfortable place to be openly bisexual. But he doesn’t forgive her; he doesn’t forgive them. He needs time to process all of this; he has other shit he’d like to deal with first. 

  
  


His father is the one that starts the questioning this time.

“So why is he mad at you then?” 

“Because I’m stupid.”

“Well, that’s not exactly a secret.”

“Minato, shut-”

“Kushina, it’s true the boy’s a fool.”

His mom sighed, but he’s not offended, his father is right. 

She did not waste her breath responding to Minato but instead, went back to questioning Naruto. 

“Why are you mad at him, Naruto?”

“Because he’s stupid.”

“Oh boy…” Minato again, with the commentary. Kushina pretended not to hear him.

“What were yall talking about when I walked into you?”

“Hinata, him… everything that has been happening over the past few days honestly. We didn’t get very far in that conversation though, because neither of us knows how to stay civil for long enough.”

“Oh? The mark on your neck had me assuming differently.”

Naruto chuckles bitterly. Of course, Sasuke would leave a mark. He’d been so angry earlier that his brain hadn’t registered the slight sting. He fought the urge to touch it, responding to his mother’s prompt instead.

“Well, apparently, it didn’t mean anything to him.” The resentment in his voice was evident. He grew angry when he recognized the emotion in his parents’ eyes. _Pity._

He sighed, placing his foot back on the floor. He was done with this conversation; it needed to end here. 

He doesn’t need to be pitied; he needs to fix whatever the fuck is going on in his life. But most importantly, he needs to shower.

“Naruto-” 

“Very nice talk mom, but if you don’t mind, I’ll be heading to bed.” 

He didn’t wait for a reply as he began ascending the stairs.

“Shower first”

“Yeah, yeah. I will.” He was 21 fucking years old; he didn’t need to be told to shower. 

  
  


* * *

“When did you know?”

When did he? It wasn’t when they first met. They were children, and they hated each other. It wasn’t in middle school when he first saw Sasuke’s shirtless form in a new light, and that night, he had his first wet dream. No, that was just lust and hormones. Was it the day that they were shoved into each other and had their first accidental kiss? He huffs, probably not that day either, but that _is_ the day he realized that he might like boys just a little more than he was willing to admit. 

The first time he felt it; felt that unexplainable pull to his best friend, feels like forever ago. It was right before college, he’d already been openly bisexual for some months, and they were moving into their shared apartment the next week.

They were both sitting in Naruto’s bedroom, Sasuke with a book at his desk, and Naruto playing games on his phone, sprawled out on the floor. In usual excited-Naruto fashion, he couldn’t pay attention to what he was doing. Instead, he was thinking of all the things they could do because they’re _finally_ starting college!!! 

“Sas, hey, Sas!” He crawls over to where Sasuke’s seated and drums his fingers against the raven’s ankles, something he knows will annoy the raven and grab his attention.

He doesn’t receive a response but instead ends up with a face full of feet. 

“Ouch! You asshole!”

Sasuke was smirking at him, and had he not been in so much pain, he’d think that it was hot. He shakes his head to stop _these_ thoughts from seeping in. His brain’s been doing that a lot more frequently, thinking about Sasuke like that. 

“I’ve told you multiple times not to do that; you deserved it.”

Sasuke’s right, so instead of arguing, he switches the topic.

“Are you excited for college?”

Sasuke places his book down, grabbing a pencil off the desk and using it as a bookmark. He shrugs at the question. 

“I don’t know, I’m excited to be away from my father, but other than that I think it might be the same, don’t you?”

“I hope it’s different; high school was fucking horrid.” 

“If it was horrible for you, Mr. Popular, how do you feel it was for me?”

“Oh please Sasuke, just as many people know you. In fact! More people knew and liked you, even the fucking teachers.” 

“That’s because I did my assignments... how the hell did we even get into the same college?” 

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m just as smart as you are, Sasu-kay.” 

The raven snorts, swinging his arms over his head and leaning back in the chair.

“Don’t flatter yourself. Though I must admit, I am impressed, and I am really proud of you.” 

_Oh._ Euphoria. That is what this feels like. He’s holding his breath as Sasuke slowly comes closer to him and playfully ruffles his hair. If he leans up a little, he’ll probably be able to connect their lips. He’s never wanted to kiss someone so badly, especially not his _best friend_! He’s so distracted by Sasuke being this close to him; he almost misses the fact that the raven is insulting him. 

“Gross, when was the last time you washed your hair Naruto?” 

“Oh fuck off!” He shoves Sasuke away despite how much he’s yearning to pull him closer

He furiously wipes his sweaty palms against his jeans, fighting back the blush that’s slowly covering his neck and cheeks. He groans, he’s so embarrassing! He’s trying hard to focus on what Sasuke is saying to him, yet the only this his brain is doing is playing back those few stupid words _“I’m so proud of you.”_

A kick to his shin shakes him from his musing. “Are you even listening to me, Naruto?”

Even when Sasuke’s slightly annoyed, he’s still the most appealing person that Naruto has ever seen. Annoyance just makes him more attractive.

Naruto sighs. 

He’s absolutely fucked, isn’t he?

* * *

“Ah, my apologies... I hadn’t realized that the question would make you this uncomfortable.” 

Naruto’s head sprang up; he’d almost forgotten that he was lying on the couch in Itachi’s office.

“Sorry... I got lost in thought; the question doesn’t bother me. It just made me think.” 

The elder Uchiha nodded his head and gestured for Naruto to continue. 

“I was thinking about the day I realized. Looking back, we were so young. It was only like 3 years ago, right before college, but that feels sooooo long ago, you know?”

“A lot can change in three years.” 

“Apparently. Back then Sasuke would look at me, he doesn’t anymore.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Uh... like, when we were younger he was more open with me, then when we started college, he stopped doing the little things that we usually did, stopped spending so much time with me. Which is actually around the time that I met Hinata and the rest of the gang.” 

“Do you think he had a reason for pulling away?” The only thing in Itachi’s voice was curiosity, but not the type that meant he was trying to find out information about his little brother, but the kind that told Naruto that he wanted to know _Naruto’s_ take on the situation.

“I mean probably. He found new friends as well, ones he had similar interests with… he probably didn’t need me anymore. Plus I made new friends too! The only time we did speak was when I’d beg him to do stuff with me. It got better during our sophomore year, though. Our friends met each other and we all became one really big friend group. He was speaking to me more, making jokes, being Sasuke. Then, I started dating Hinata, and he drew away from me again, but that time it was my fault.”

“Your fault? How?”

“I stopped spending time with him; I stopped seeking him out. Even when we spent time together, I somehow would make it about Hinata. Which was really stupid of me.” 

“Hinata. Why did you two end things?”

“Honestly, I liked Sasuke more. I’m in love with him. I couldn’t stand to be with her anymore. It was suffocating, so I ended it with her. In a pretty fucked up way.” 

“Care to share what happened?”

“Ahhh” he furiously rubs the back of his neck. It’s the first time he’s going to have to say what he did to Hinata out loud. “Uh... I broke up with her right after we had sex. I went over there to break up with her, but I was stupid and didn’t do it as soon as I got there. Things ended up getting messy, and I blurted it out unknowingly. She probably thinks I just used her… I didn’t want to break her, just break up with her.” 

“Unfortunately, sometimes, people get caught in the crossfire when someone is going through a rough time emotionally. It doesn’t mean that what you did was right, or that she should accept your apology if one was given. Did you apologize?” 

“No, not yet, my mind has been preoccupied ever since I caught Sasuke with Neji.” 

Shock. That was the emotion that played over Itachi’s face. Naruto realized that he had fucked up by sharing that... but it’s true. That’s all he’s been thinking about… well, before the dinner happened. All he could think about was the way Sasuke moved, the fact that he was murmuring Naruto’s name. His voice. The anger he felt when he watched Neji do what he’s yearned to do for years, what he wants to do so badly. Yes, he was disgusted by himself. Disgusted by the fact that he couldn’t look away, disgusted by the obligation he felt towards someone who was not his and probably would never be his. And that is too embarrassing to admit to Itachi.

“Oh. Sasuke and Neji? I didn’t know…” The elder Uchiha got up to grab his water bottle situated on his desk, but not before turning towards Naruto with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, um, I need a few seconds to reacclimate myself to the professional setting.” 

“I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

Itachi chuckled and took his place in the armchair, opposite the loveseat that Naruto was currently sprawled on.

“He may be my younger brother, but the situation seems to have greatly affected you, so let’s continue.” 

“Is that why y’all are in such a rocky place right now?”

“One of the reasons, yes. Honestly it’s been this unsteady ever since I kissed him that Friday. I still had a girlfriend. I had no right.”

“What about last Friday?”

“What about it?”

“Tell me what happened between you two.”

“Simply put, mistake number two. I should’ve gone home instead of going to his room.”

“It does seem to have done more damage than good; you both looked a mess afterwards.”

He smiled sadly at Itachi. 

“Honestly, I don’t even think he cares for me.” Itachi tilted his head slightly, but before he could respond, there was a soft knock at his door. His next client was probably here. Naruto wasted no time in getting up, following Itachi to the exit. 

A hand on his shoulder stopped him from exiting the room. 

“It is clearly not my place, but you know that is untrue, right?” 

“He’ll have to tell me that himself. Thank you”

“See you on Friday?” 

“Yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something new? I hope you enjoyed, hopefully the next chapter will be better. 
> 
> Again thank you for reading! Until next time


	8. Fine Line (Prelude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post-dinner Sasuke regrets all of his decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know...  
> I am so incredibly sorry, AGAIN. I hope this makes up for my disappearance a bit.

Here he is, once again, crying on the floor. He promised himself that he wouldn't do that again, that he was through crying over Naruto. So why is he here? With Naruto's scent, clinging to every fiber of the clothing that he haphazardly shoved on. It's almost as if the blond is still sitting in the room, mocking him as he cries. There's a gentle rattling of his doorknob, but nothing else. He probably imagined it. His chest aches from the way he's been heaving, but he just can't stop fucking crying. He feels so used, so useless, so unwanted. Naruto is definitely an expert at breaking his spirit. 

He's about to get up when a soft knock at his door jolts him to his feet. Fuck, he almost forgot that there were other people in the house that weren’t his parents. He uses the bottom of his shirt to furiously wipe away the tears, but he knows that his puffy red face will give away the fact that he's been crying.

"Sasuke?" Fuck. 

Of course, it's Itachi; why wouldn't it be? He shakily reaches for the door handle, opening it, and popping his head through the crack. 

He clears his throat. 

"Yeah?" 

Itachi smiles slightly.

"Seeing you peeking out like this reminds me of when we were kids. Well... when _you_ were a kid. Will you let me in?" 

Sasuke sighs and hesitates for all of three seconds before stepping back and yanking the door open. He gestures with his hand. 

"Please, come in." 

The older man steps into the room and looks around hesitantly. 

Sasuke closes the door, leaning against it and crossing his arms. 

"What is it, Itachi?" He's not angry at Itachi per se, but he is quite annoyed by his current situation. 

"Are you still staying here tonight, Sasuke?"

"I don't really want to."

"Well, you don't have to; I always have a place for you in my home." 

Sasuke moved away from the door and walked towards the suitcase that he hadn't bothered unpacking. Trying to reorganize it and fitting stuff where it's supposed to go. He's folding up Naruto's hoodie when Itachi starts walking towards the door. He stops his movements and faces him with shaky hands. 

"Aren't you going to ask about it?" 

The elder turns towards him. 

"About what?" 

He gestures to himself unceremoniously. Itachi tilts his head in amusement at his brother's flustered state, but his face, for the most part, remains neutral. 

"You didn't bring it up, so I didn't want to—" He waves his hands as if clearing his thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"No. I kinda-" Sasuke sighs in frustration. Does he really want to embarrass himself like this? No. He takes a deep breath and tries again. "I just fucked up really badly..." he runs his fingers over the fabric of the sweater that he's clinging to his chest. Even when he's angry, embarrassed, and disappointed, Naruto still finds a way to comfort him. He grunts in frustration and lets the stupid piece of fabric fall to the floor. He steels himself and musters up the courage to tell Itachi about the shitshow that was tonight. "I should've gone home with you yesterday. If I did, I think I could've avoided this."

Itachi walks over to him and stoops, so they're eye level. 

"What happened?" The concern in his voice was almost palpable. 

Well, that courage was short-lived. Sasuke takes a deep breath, shaking his head and clenching his fists. _No_ , he tells himself. He was not going to cry again. All Naruto's been doing is making him cry, and he's so _fucking tired_ of crying. He doesn't want to fucking cry anymore, but these are just his thoughts, not the reality, because the tears are slipping down his face, and it's taking all of his remaining energy to keep the sounds from slipping past his lips. At least he has a little dignity left. 

It's just that it hurts. 

It hurts so fucking much.

Why would he do that? Why would he leave like that? Right after sex, right after telling Sasuke how important he is to him.

LIES. 

They're all fucking lies. Naruto doesn't care about him, not even a little. Is it really possible to care about someone yet hurt them this badly? On purpose? 

Yet, something in him is hoping that Naruto isn't doing all of this on purpose. A part of him is hoping that he just misunderstands things and that Naruto loves him too! _Loves him more._

If he weren't so busy trying not to cry, he would have scoffed at such an elementary thought.

His skin is tingly, and he can't seem to catch his breath or slow his thoughts. They're messy and conflicting. One part of him hates Naruto, another yearns for him deeply. Yet, all he really feels is anger. It is the most prominent, and it is consuming him. He's stuck reliving the night and all of the things he could've done to stop it from happening. He should've gone home with Itachi, shouldn't have gone upstairs with Naruto… they shouldn't have kissed, and they most definitely shouldn't have had— 

A gentle tap on his left-hand pulls him back to the present. He blinks back the tears and tries to adjust the way he's sitting, but his body doesn't seem ready to cooperate with his brain. 

A deep breath.

He seems to be doing that a lot lately. 

He looks at the hand that is gently covering his, almost protectively, and the tension slowly starts to leave.

Nothing is okay, but he always feels safe when he's around his older brother. Itachi has always been good at making Sasuke feel like all of his problems can be fixed, no matter how unfixable the situation appears to be right now. 

A memory from when they were younger pops into his mind. He doesn't want to think about Naruto right now, so instead, they'll talk about that. 

"Itachi, do you remember that time I broke mom's lucky vase?" 

Itachi reacts exactly how Sasuke had expected him to, doubling over with laughter. He has to pull his hands away to steady himself so he can sit on the floor for what would turn out to be a night of embarrassing Uchiha stories. 

He absolutely does not regret bringing it up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is cruel, I've been gone for so long and the update is so short, but I will try to be more consistent from now on!  
> As the name suggests, this is a prologue for the next chapter. I had intended to post the entire thing, but it just felt right to end it off here! Though it was very brief, I really hope you enjoyed!


End file.
